tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post4479910254068326555..comments2023-12-28T13:11:06.666+00:00Comments on Pics and Poems: Sometimes the house will breathe for me, like an iron lung.Dave Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-58059196393481387642009-12-04T11:57:14.553+00:002009-12-04T11:57:14.553+00:00I have to carry a tape recorder or a notepad when ...I have to carry a tape recorder or a notepad when I hike. The poem just poured out while I was walking and seemed brilliant at the time. Have been trying to get it back for months and it is just not the same.Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09751363280115223716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-56530985667326628532009-12-04T11:21:01.103+00:002009-12-04T11:21:01.103+00:00Carl
I have had one testing my powers of endurance...<b>Carl</b><br />I have had one testing my powers of endurance for a year or more. It relates to what sounded like the rippling of a stream in the tree tops.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-1785184049427661692009-12-04T11:19:01.368+00:002009-12-04T11:19:01.368+00:00Jeanne
Thank you so much for that. It is really ve...<b>Jeanne</b><br />Thank you so much for that. It is really very useful to know these things.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-48017817379367321202009-12-04T00:07:50.090+00:002009-12-04T00:07:50.090+00:00Ah the noises of the woods are another story. I h...Ah the noises of the woods are another story. I have had a poem kicking around trying to get out for a few months about the stream singing a lament to the falling of the leaves in a language I can hear but not understand.<br /><br />CSCarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09751363280115223716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-80422033752529074792009-12-03T18:40:34.387+00:002009-12-03T18:40:34.387+00:00Dave, this is lovely. I think it may be my favori...Dave, this is lovely. I think it may be my favorite of all that I've read. The combination of sound-play (assonance, consonance, the occasional rhyme) and the wonderful metaphors enthrall me. And I love that you used the house as the central image.Jeanne Estridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13096521122802823385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-78529814074703927732009-12-03T14:39:29.052+00:002009-12-03T14:39:29.052+00:00Crafty Green Poet
Very many thanks for that. Alwa...<b>Crafty Green Poet </b><br />Very many thanks for that. Always good to hear from you.<br /><br /><b>Poetikat </b><br />Lovely thought - about the garden. I like that!<br /><br /><b>Rachel </b><br />Thanks for those kind words.<br /><br /><b>Cloudia </b><br />Magic, I believe, is like beauty - in the beholder. Thanks.<br /><br /><b>Mariana </b><br />I'm not sure why you thought that daring. I hope not because you thought I might be offended.<br />It is a compliment, indeed, to say that mt poem reminded you of that one. Many thanks for it.<br /><br /><b>Carl </b><br />I can appreciate what you are saying - but what about the noises in the woods?<br /><br /><b>Dianne </b><br />Uncanny indeed - this internet can be quite eerie at times.<br /><br /><b>Jim </b><br />I did nearly give up at the panic point of that poem, but that is not what gave me the phrase; I had already penned it by then. My thanks for the comments on the third stanza. I do think you are on to something there. I shall revisit it as they say. I have to say, though, that I do feel quite happy with <i>outboard out at sea</i>, although I was unsure for a while. The repetiton was deliberateDave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-57038128582676558292009-12-02T16:06:05.372+00:002009-12-02T16:06:05.372+00:00Some nice stuff in this. You do have a way with lo...Some nice stuff in this. You do have a way with long lines. I just don't think that way at all. I love "tutts and putters" but I stumbled on the two 'outs' in "an outboard out at sea" – maybe it's just how I read it – but that's the only thing I can pass negative comment on; one syllable too many. <br /><br />The opening stanza touched me the most being an asthmatic but it's really the first two lines that will grab a reader and make him sit up. I just love the idea of a "panic point" in a work in progress; I've had a few of those. For me it's really a point of no return: do I go on or do I give up for today, perhaps even completely?<br /><br />I would have a look at the third stanza again. It's fine but I think it could be better. There were more aquatic and maritime images that kept coming to my mind – flotsam and jetsam, for example, or the muse as siren or mermaid.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-89089569709734810942009-12-02T15:32:14.282+00:002009-12-02T15:32:14.282+00:00ok mine is up, and really the parallels are uncann...ok mine is up, and really the parallels are uncanny, this is what it was July '08!<br />Peace,Diannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18323454057921441274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-9627673735355058992009-12-02T13:29:33.586+00:002009-12-02T13:29:33.586+00:00My home and the things in it can affect my art gre...My home and the things in it can affect my art greatly. I find my best work as a painter comes out when I am in a comfortable space and the house is making its idiosynchratic noises. I notice this more in the winter when the heat is on and the happy hissing, bubbling banging noises of my old steam system tell me they are working. It is a different experience than my photography where I am out in the woods and feeling nature around me as my guide.<br /><br />CarlCarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09751363280115223716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-61756986256524711472009-12-02T06:18:18.501+00:002009-12-02T06:18:18.501+00:00Very good poem, I felt it deeply, let me do a dari...Very good poem, I felt it deeply, let me do a daring thing in your blog: Post the lyrics of a song that was reminded to me by your writtings (it is a song I love)<br /><br />Faith, you're driving me away<br />You do it everyday<br />You don't mean it<br />But it hurts like hell<br /><br />My brain says I'm receiving pain<br />A lack of oxygen<br />From my life support<br />My iron lung<br /><br />We're too young to fall asleep<br />To cynical to speak<br />We are losing it<br />Can't you tell?<br /><br />We scratch our eternal itch<br />A twentieth century bitch<br />And we are grateful for<br />Our iron lung<br /><br />The headshrinkers, they want everything<br />My uncle Bill, my Belisha beacon<br />The headshrinkers, they want everything<br />My uncle Bill, my Belisha beacon<br /><br />Suck, suck your teenage thumb<br />Toilet trained and dumb<br />When the power runs out<br />We'll just hum<br /><br />This, this is our new song<br />Just like the last one<br />A total waste of time<br />My iron lung<br />The headshrinkers, they want everything<br />My uncle Bill, my Belisha beacon<br />The headshrinkers, they want everything<br />My uncle Bill, my Belisha beacon<br /><br />And if you're frightened<br />You can be frightened<br />You can be, it's OK<br />And if you're frightened<br />You can be frightened<br />You can be, it's OK<br /><br />The headshrinkers, they want everything<br />My uncle Bill, my Belisha beaconMariana Sofferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13351209522681966230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-64162668630077676032009-12-02T04:31:43.291+00:002009-12-02T04:31:43.291+00:00A magical post, my friend.
Aloha,
Comfort S...A magical post, my friend.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Aloha, <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://comfortspiral.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Comfort Spiral</a>Cloudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05853753108637831069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-11938088200904196562009-12-01T22:38:44.607+00:002009-12-01T22:38:44.607+00:00There are so many lines I could point to and aahhh...There are so many lines I could point to and aahhh at, suffice: I really like this poem, especially the humour in the last.Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-79764509390484121462009-12-01T17:19:33.245+00:002009-12-01T17:19:33.245+00:00Beautiful. I think I'd like your house very m...Beautiful. I think I'd like your house very much.<br />Funny, my house doesn't sing to me as yours does; it is the garden beyond that does that.Kat Mortensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16877694888419628533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-82054526164183392802009-12-01T14:37:28.517+00:002009-12-01T14:37:28.517+00:00a wonderful extended metaphor....a wonderful extended metaphor....Crafty Green Poethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02486633917197181851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-45234579224190928482009-12-01T14:33:39.070+00:002009-12-01T14:33:39.070+00:00Shadow
Is that your inner hearing or the normal o...<b>Shadow </b><br />Is that your inner hearing or the normal one? (Serious question.)<br /><br /><b>A Cuban in London </b><br />I find myself somewhat fascinated by the poem you mention. Shall have to lookit up. In my poem it is of course the poem to which it refers - not the house - that succumbs. Thanks for an absorbing comment.<br /><br /><b>Tommaso </b><br />I do know the VW poem - not as well as I should - but shall have to look it up afresh. Thanks for that.<br /><br /><b>Lucas </b><br />Yes, I think you are very close to the point from which the poem took off. Fascinating to hear you saying it. Thanks.<br /><br /><b>Stephen </b><br />Wow! What can I say, but thank you?<br /><br /><b>readingsully2 </b><br />Mmmm, me too - but don't tell anyone I said that.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-10833308134054370642009-12-01T04:52:47.873+00:002009-12-01T04:52:47.873+00:00Oh, wow Dave....I have thought for a long time tha...Oh, wow Dave....I have thought for a long time that my house is alive...so to speak. :)readingsully2https://www.blogger.com/profile/07786787369521778515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-20488411897924379272009-12-01T01:09:18.358+00:002009-12-01T01:09:18.358+00:00Enchanting, Dave. You never fail to bring to ligh...Enchanting, Dave. You never fail to bring to light new combinations and feelings that the commonplace cannot approach. You are a true poet.Stephen Dell'Ariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01172035879922310079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-26896463835595635662009-11-30T21:40:32.825+00:002009-11-30T21:40:32.825+00:00The metaphor works I think because it is based in ...The metaphor works I think because it is based in a kind of reality: namely that our environment is an extension of ourselves. The house in your poem is conscious and its consciousness is a deep reality. I like especially the lines "It happens when the voices of/a poem drown the still small voice that gave it birth."<br />In this case the poem is sobeautifully crafted that the still small voice buoyant to the end!Lucashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07642126053527835870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-17017590844870754922009-11-30T18:43:01.703+00:002009-11-30T18:43:01.703+00:00The fundamental and sharp use of a "correlati...The fundamental and sharp use of a "correlative object" makes this poem great Dave. You are on the same wavelength of the second chapter of "To The Lighthouse" by Virginia Woolf, where a house speaks on its own hinges, even if in this case it's a house without its owners, abandoned actually but alive with earth amd memories.Tommaso Gervasuttihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17137499390434949734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-25066982591262053202009-11-30T13:31:33.376+00:002009-11-30T13:31:33.376+00:00Ever since I came across the magnificent poem '...Ever since I came across the magnificent poem 'Últimos DÍas De Una Casa" (Last Days of a House) by the Cuban poet Dulce María Loynaz I have been fascinated by houses and the effect they have on us.<br /><br />Your poem renders your domicile a sensitive and sensorial nature. And that perfectly captures how I feel about houses, especially the old ones, the history lived there, the ideas fostered and developed.<br /><br />That vertigo to which you refer at the end brought to mind the aforementioned Dulce María Loynaz's poem, a critique to the philistines who destroy a nation's cultural heritage. Your passage reads more optimistic despite the verb 'succumb' in it. The house of your poem is no victim but the receiver of the ultimate accolade: poetry.<br /><br />Many thanks.<br /><br />Greetings from London.A Cuban In Londonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16423293358605007539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-66600123113937742652009-11-30T11:28:48.957+00:002009-11-30T11:28:48.957+00:00when i am searching for the right words, its like ...when i am searching for the right words, its like my hearing increases, looking for tips and crumbs that may be falling and be just the thing to get the ink flowing again...Shadowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05999801833389058410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-55536659598590094952009-11-30T09:53:35.356+00:002009-11-30T09:53:35.356+00:00Erratum
The original first line, as given in my no...<b>Erratum</b><br />The original first line, as given in my <i>note</i> above, should have read;<br /><br /><i>Sometimes the house is breath and life for me, an iron lung.</i>Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-50861142259105112782009-11-30T09:49:28.031+00:002009-11-30T09:49:28.031+00:00Note
Since posting this I have changed the first ...<b>Note </b><br />Since posting this I have changed the first line - and therefore the title also. It now reads as I originally drafted it:<br />Sometimes the house will breathe for me, like an iron lung.<br />It was in the process of posting the poem that I changed the line to<br />Sometimes the os breath and life to me, an iron lung.<br />Almost at once the original began to look superior, but I decided to sleep on it, to see how it would look in the morning. If anyone has any thoughts on the change - or my changeability - I would be glad to hear. <br /><br /><b>Elisabeth </b><br />You are absolutely right: it is good to hear criticism, but do not worry about it - I'm mature enough to be able to stand a lot of praise! Thanks for it.<br /><br /><b>Leatherdykeuk </b><br />Much thanks for such a generous comment.<br /><br /><b>jinksy </b><br />That is a lovely remark. Thanks.<br /><br /><b>kass </b><br />Actually, the first line just popped into my head a propos of nothing and it all developed from there - which makes it all the more extraordinary that I changed that very line when posting it!<br /><br /><b>Karen </b><br />Thanks again for such kind remarks.<br /><br /><b>Weaver </b><br />It depends on the house in question, doesn't it? The house may not always be a comfort zone, but you may have given me a germ of an idea. Thanks.<br /><br /><b> Helen</b><br />Yes, it can be a slightly spooky experience, can it not? Valuable, though - as is your comment.<br /><br /><b>enchantedoak </b><br />Thank you. I have had so many great compliments - and for a poem that I all but abandoned, more than once. So you see how much the comments mean.<br /><br /><b>John </b><br />Actually, that thought came last, but I think is the one with which I am most pleased. Thanks.<br /><br /><b>gleaner </b><br />Thanks, that was very much the "anchor" metaphor whist I was writing it.<br /><br /><b>Diane </b><br />I shall look forward to reading your coming poem. Thank you for your comments on mine.<br /><br /><b>Rose Marie </b><br />Yes, you are absolutely right about that. There's no point in writing unless you are attempting to scale some height or other.<br /><br /><b>Tabor </b><br />Yes, I agree it does seem to be chiming with a lot of people - in emails as well as in the comments.<br />I wasn't sure why that might be, but I think you may have pointed us in a possible direction.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-85605577501564620972009-11-30T08:45:03.868+00:002009-11-30T08:45:03.868+00:00It is interesting how the 'slide in shale'...It is interesting how the 'slide in shale' phrase seems to cause a response in many of us readers. The shale fits so well with a house and the sliding fits so well with the fear of missing the poem and falling into something else.Taborhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15257045780724471840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-76477985585267489332009-11-30T03:08:49.195+00:002009-11-30T03:08:49.195+00:00PS Dave, your visits are indeed always welcomed. B...PS Dave, your visits are indeed always welcomed. Best always, Rose MarieRose Marie Raccioppihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12327247225256540829noreply@blogger.com