tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post4309881752804383445..comments2023-12-28T13:11:06.666+00:00Comments on Pics and Poems: The DisplacementsDave Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-21292628254954583202010-03-18T08:28:19.441+00:002010-03-18T08:28:19.441+00:00I thought it was a dream, one of those you don'...I thought it was a dream, one of those you don't know whether you're happy to wake up from or find the imagery so compelling you want to be back there...<br /><br />I haven't picked it apart, but it did grab me, as some things do, instantly.Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09764296105901909328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-38992897033997738362010-03-13T22:28:01.556+00:002010-03-13T22:28:01.556+00:00Really thought provoking images, and, in the end, ...Really thought provoking images, and, in the end, sad and hopeless. <br /><br />In the words of Spock: fascinating.Fragrant Liarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09452052210826471034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-35307858923159516682010-03-13T09:15:31.203+00:002010-03-13T09:15:31.203+00:00Tommaso
Mmm, hadn't thought of Eliot, but alwa...<b>Tommaso</b><br />Mmm, hadn't thought of Eliot, but always glad to be compared with such! Much thanks.<br /><br /><b>Conda</b><br />Sorry about "fug". I was brought up with it and tend to think in such cases that so must everyone else have been! It's basically an enclosed atmosphere of warm, stale - often smoky - air. Unhealthy but cosy! I think it's a derivation of fog. Thanks for commenting.<br /><br /><b>Nikki</b><br />Well, I can find no fault with your interpretation. Thanks for visiting and for the comment.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-4168972355019652352010-03-13T06:39:30.339+00:002010-03-13T06:39:30.339+00:00Wow Dave, the imagery is awesome.. I could visuali...Wow Dave, the imagery is awesome.. I could visualise a man seeking refuge,trying to escape the demons (both internal and external), hoping to find solace among the many nameless and homeless.. Just my intepretation :)Nikki...https://www.blogger.com/profile/15779301665435847539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-9759667945862979862010-03-13T00:24:35.073+00:002010-03-13T00:24:35.073+00:00I've missed your longer poems, Dave and now I ...I've missed your longer poems, Dave and now I remember why. Only one word bumped me, "fug". Remember this is a Yank speaking.Conda Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12972790965426924941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-41943032149953891162010-03-12T18:44:23.593+00:002010-03-12T18:44:23.593+00:00Dave, the final lines are powerful, they evoke a s...Dave, the final lines are powerful, they evoke a solemn tragic condition more than ever vivid in this day and age.<br />Refugees, deportees and even the crowd in the first amd last section of The Waste Land<br />" If there were water..."Tommaso Gervasuttihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17137499390434949734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-28656735375998571532010-03-12T18:26:50.824+00:002010-03-12T18:26:50.824+00:00Jim
Thanks for e really useful set of comments. I ...<b>Jim</b><br />Thanks for e really useful set of comments. I do take the point about the rhythms. As you will see i have amended the the line inn the second stanza. I had in fact modified it several times, once at the last moment, which was probably a mistake. <br /><br />Most interesting to me was the comment that the last stanza was the strongest.It was the last written and quite quickly with almost no rewrites.<br /><br />I'm afraid you were off the mark, though, with the thought that there may be some extrinsic key to its meaning. There was no particular item of news etc. I had read an article suggesting that climate change would cause both massive land movements and movements of people, but it was very much concerned with statistics, no descriptive narrative, no visions of how it might be etc. It suggested a series of images rather than a poem as such. In the composing, though, I thought I could connect them in some non-linear, maybe non-logical way. Almost like a dream sequence, I suppose, concentrating on the emotional charge of such an event, the feel of itChhaya. Oddly, I did then have a dream - not quite on the same subject - that I am thinking of writing up into a poem - or trying to!<br /><br /><b>Leatherdykeuk</b><br />That's a pretty satisfying remark, for which I thank you greatly.<br /><br /><b>Shadow</b><br />Must be right. Man on telly said.<br /><br /><b>Jeanette</b><br />Your first para is spot on. Later there are many fleeing, some inopposite directions, but you have the gist of it. Thanks for the response.<br /><br /><b>Chhaya</b><br />Thanks for that. Look forward to seeing you around. Appreciated the comment. Interesting comparison.<br /><br /><b>Yousel</b><br />Welcome and thanks for the comment.<br /><br /><b>Carl</b><br />Yes, I can see the connection. The comparison is a good one. Many thanks for it.<br /><br /><b>Derrick</b><br />At least we haven't to flee from the weather - just yet!<br /><br /><b>Kass</b><br />I must confess that I do not know "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere". I must look it up. Thanks for the comment.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-69651023445847753732010-03-12T16:30:24.121+00:002010-03-12T16:30:24.121+00:00I liked this poem. It had a driving force and at t...I liked this poem. It had a driving force and at times the rhythm reminded me of "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere." I also loved the feeling of scanning anything - land or relationship capable of (sustaining) life.Kasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05233330248952156754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-76456414017802315192010-03-12T14:25:25.883+00:002010-03-12T14:25:25.883+00:00Hi Dave,
There is a haunting quality to this. I m...Hi Dave,<br /><br />There is a haunting quality to this. I may not know from what the people may be fleeing but life has sufficient hardships from which to choose.<br /><br />Thanks for sorting out the weather!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00861397533660827678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-79379194190486563762010-03-12T13:46:37.238+00:002010-03-12T13:46:37.238+00:00Dave
I like this one. another haunting poem. It...Dave<br /> I like this one. another haunting poem. It made me think about the Children sent to live in the country or with relatives in America during the bombings of World War Two. I realize the point of view is of one who is older than that, but it conveyed the feeling (at least to me) those kids were feeling.<br /><br />It definitely left a strong impression on me.<br /><br />CarlCarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09751363280115223716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-34817994198281312522010-03-12T12:48:41.486+00:002010-03-12T12:48:41.486+00:00I love the passing images. So glad you visited my...I love the passing images. So glad you visited my sight and lured me here. Thank you for sharing this.Yousei Himehttp://tasmith1122.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-18899729647946717902010-03-12T12:43:03.939+00:002010-03-12T12:43:03.939+00:00Read this twice, Dave. Loved the feel it gave me. ...Read this twice, Dave. Loved the feel it gave me. i dont know why, but it reminded me of the Taggar Railroad from Atlas Shrugged, the Ayn Rand Novel.<br /><br />beautiful<br /><br />PS: thanks for the lovely comment @ my blog. i m following u now :)Chhayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02793691982402313454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-53430502184672869862010-03-12T12:35:16.714+00:002010-03-12T12:35:16.714+00:00I'm not sure whether I have to know what was o...I'm not sure whether I have to know what was on your mind Dave, but for me? It captured a moment of one person hunted, haunted--fleeing amidst a world that is fleeing. That's enough for me. <br /><br />It's different from some of your poetry... The rhythm changes and, for me the many unstressed feet create something of a train moving slowly, unevenly, like life on this earth at this point. Uncertainty, "a moment always short of holocaust."<br /><br />Maybe I missed your point, but I found one in the reading and it worked for me. It put me on edge, it hurt my heart. I think it's supposed to.<br /><br />Of course, then I read your Haiku and laughed, so there you are! Thanks for another entry that just got to me.JeannetteLShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13528285846408727632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-54311375244317818712010-03-12T12:34:59.031+00:002010-03-12T12:34:59.031+00:00how i like your 'responce' to the changing...how i like your 'responce' to the changing weather forecast. i hope its right!Shadowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05999801833389058410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-90703650653595837982010-03-12T12:20:58.847+00:002010-03-12T12:20:58.847+00:00There really are some images in here that would de...There really are some images in here that would delight the most hardened soul. I love this.Rachel Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508563923634392703.post-80059186015579468442010-03-12T11:02:43.542+00:002010-03-12T11:02:43.542+00:00There are a lot of good sounds in ‘The Displacemen...There are a lot of good sounds in ‘The Displacements’, Dave. Clearly thought’s gone into the internal rhymes. Have you tried reading it aloud? I ask because the rhythm feels a bit awkward to my ear. It works fine on paper, it makes sense, but I kept finding myself wanting to add in or drop the odd syllable. For example, the second stanza, the line ‘the guard, with red flag in his hand,’ I would have made ‘the guard, red flag in hand’. <br /><br />As for the meaning of the piece I get the feeling I’m missing a key piece of information, something on the news perhaps, that I should know what specific displaced peoples the poem is about. Which I don’t? Am I right?<br /><br />Last stanza is the strongest. It reads well.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.com