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Thursday, 3 September 2009

The 7-Day and 7-Minute (Nearly) Poem



For seven days
the seven buds
had waited
hesitated
looked around them
far below them -
seven fledglings

psyching themselves up
for seven days
to brave the drop
and fly the nest.
They chose a stormy night
of drenching rain
that battered the hydrangeas.

Bursting from their bondage
they opened,every one.
By dawn
the seven buds
were seven roses
claiming their just prize -
some seven hours of sun.






And now a haiku from the same source:-

Fifteen red roses
have turned to face the sun.
One yellow rose has turned its back.

34 comments:

Linda said...

Your roses are beautiful! There used to be some in our garden years ago called Queen Elizabeth roses but they were next to the hydrangea that took a lightning strike one September. I've never found a replacement that is that lovely pink colour and hardy enough for Canada. I always look forward to the roses having their second blooming as summer ends. Lucky sevens!
These roses deserve a poem.

Jim Murdoch said...

I have to say, Dave, I kinda groaned at the end. Just a tad too sweet for my tastes.

readingsully2 said...

First poem...I love the comparison of the buds to baby birds. nice touch.

second poem.....I liked it...the touch of the yellow rose made the poem.

willow said...

I like the repetition of seven through the piece. And in just seven? wow

Your roses are lovely.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Seven hours of sun? Where? Certainly not up here - but loved the poems.

A Cuban In London said...

I loved the repetitive rhythm and the cadence, Dave. It was beautiful. Seven roses at dawn. Magnificent.

Greetings from London.

Derrick said...

Hi Dave,

A lovely poem and only as sweet as it needed to be. I like the pairing of 'drenching' with 'hydrangeas'.

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

aah. as sweet as honey.

Helen said...

Hi there! I am looking out from my office loft and I see six roses on a little bush nestled close to the ground ... shaded by a huge tree. Yearning for the sun to peek through.

lakeviewer said...

Seven has its allusion to the seven deadly sins, the seven virtues. Now, it will have connected to your seven roses, and seven hours of sun. Expansive and lulling mood you put us in with this one.

Friko said...

I liked the haiku better, the budding fledgling roses confused me a tad. Is 'seven' meaningful? Or did that bush have those seven buds and you re sticking with the picture.

Butler and Bagman said...

Great haiku!

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

I have enjoyed both poems and haiku, I felt the young, best Wordsworth in them!

Madame DeFarge said...

Liked the haiku. Nice and straightforward yet evocative.

John Hayes said...

I liked both poems well. The "too sweet/just sweet enough" question about #1 is interesting. I'm wondering if the word "prize" is a bit vexed; certainly think "seven hours of sun" (which is not very long to us desert dwellers) is not a problem. I like it was is, but if one wanted to tinker along the sweetness axis I'd think it would be in the penultimate line.

The haiku is well done.

Conda V. Douglas said...

Beautiful roses and good poems, I especially liked the haiku. One point bothered me though--my roses always bloom only in sunlight? Of course, I live in a much different climate.

Karen said...

I really admire both poems - the haiku because I find it the hardest form to write, and the other because I really love the personification and repetition. Very, very nice.

steven said...

hi dave, it's pure magic to me that flowers can move water from the soil around them and translate it into a petal. in the same way it is pure magic to me that a person can watch this process and translate it into words. layered rich roll off the mind words. steven

Dave King said...

Linda
What I didn't put in the poem was that the wind came a few days later and stripped them of half their petals.

Jim
Funny that, I thought I'd heard the groan, but then thought, no, it can't be, not all that way! Gotta 'ave a bit of syrup now and again, thou knows!

readingsully2
Thanks for those two comments. Much appreciated.

willow
Confession: actually, in terms of writing, not that: I jotted it down in bits between doing other things over a seven hour period - because I was stuck for my next post!

The Weaver of Grass
We've been favoured down here by two days of sun - not two together, you understand: two very isolated days.

A Cuban in London
Many thanks for those words. All gratefully received.

Derrick
Yes actually, so do I, though it was not a conscious pairing. A happy accident.

ScarltTd1ar1es
But maybe not as rare as..? Thanks for that.

Helen
It will, it will, I am sure - bet it already has.

lakeviewer
What an interesting comment! It may even have sparked off another poem in the embers of my mind. Thanks.

Friko
No, seven was not intended to have any significance. There were seven buds for (about) seven days on the bush, they did open around or before dawn at the end of a wet, windswept night, and it was followed by a day of sunshine. That's all.

Butler and Bagman
Thanks for that. Good to know.

John
Thanks for the interesting suggestion. I think you might have correctly discerned the problem. I shall give it some thought. Much obliged.

Conda
I have always assumed that roses (and most other plants) bloom only in sunlight, but that is the second time a plant (only one on the previous occasion) has appeared not to. I have been wondering how unusual or not that might be. Thanks for raising it. It does seem to be contrary to expectations, I agree.

Karen
Thanks for both of those very much appreciated comments.

Steven
I absolutely agree with the first part of your response. The second is true of some people, certainly. Thanks.

Shadow said...

buds... birds... love the parallel... a song to the eyes, a song to the ears

Dave King said...

Shadow
...and a song to the heart! Thanks!

Tara said...

I love this line: Bursting from their bondage! Lovely. I may never think of a bud the same again.

Dave King said...

Tara
Many thanks for that

Linda Sue said...

Wait a minute- is that yellow rose a racist? Too stuck up? Or has it just seen enough of the sun -being yellow and all?
Very entertaining! Seven hours is , I guess, better than none.

SUSAN SONNEN said...

The first reads like a drama and I love it!

Carl said...

After a week of no internet (Happily) while on Cape Cod it looks like I have some catching up to do. ;-)

Carl

GYPSYWOMAN said...

well, dave, i loved them both - any adjectives, raves, etc further would simply be duplicative of your other readers' comments! neat post!

Cloudia said...

The Haiku worked like a fine watch....

Aloha, Dave

Comfort Spiral

Dick said...

Both work really well, Dave, although in the poem I'm uncomfortable with 'psyching themselves up', which seems to introduce a demotic note amongst quiet, measured description.

The haiku is just right.

Roxana said...

i so love this haiku! once i made a flower arrangement using red roses and it was not so easy :-)

Cynthia said...

Hi Dave, Your flower poem is inspiring - how faith and patience
along with endurance will make
one Victorious!

And the haiku is adorable as
well as vivid in the mind's eye.

Susie Hemingway said...

This was enchanting, I liked it very much indeed, I shall be back to read more. Thank you.

Dave King said...

Linda Sue
Stuck up was my reading of it. Might have had an aversion to sunlight, of course.

Susan
Thanks for that.

Carl
Me too, though I don't have your excuse. Hope you had a great week.

GYPSYWOMAN
Well, thank you for your generous comment.

Dick
I take the point. I have to confess to a little wobble about that myself, when I wrote it.

Roxana
Thanks for that.

Cynthia
I appreciate both comments. Thanks.

Susie
My thanks to you for your kind remarks.

Sharanya said...

Rhythm and Rhyme, more so for simplicity. I like it :-)