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Sunday, 15 August 2010

Aboard the Poetry Bus

To Cut a Long Story...




Our delightful friend at Enchanted Oak offered two photographs this week, one to be used as stimulus for the ride. I chose this one:-

I waited hours in Longstone Creek that day
concealed in long grass, out of view, where long-
beaked geese were wont to fly. A longspur and
a longeared owl came by -- and one lone goose
who settled not a long way off. I crouched,
and heard among long honks and hisses, this:
Allow your mind the thing you've longed for most,
and for the longest time, then hang that dream
high on the longest branch of yonder tree.

Eyes closed, my longboat dream ran real again --
easy to see my craft on that long bough,
rocked by the trees as though by long sea waves.
Opening my eyes, the goose no longer there.
Instead, a wraith-like longshoreman had come
who whittled long-beaked geese from driftwood bits,
and said For you, sweet lass, a punt! The words,
half lost in loud, long honks and hissing sounds,
confirmed his longest finger pointing out
the longan tree's long wishing branch, from which
my longboat slowly drifted down towards
the sea's long inlet, there. We walked along
the path by the long barrow, where he said,
So now you've seen my long home. Let's move on!
and almost dug that long mound with his thumb.
We reached my long punt, boarding her with care,
but first he cut the long branch down and stripped
it bare to make of it a long pole, leaned
his long frame in, and showed me how to punt.
All that took place so very long ago --

a short time after which, I married him.

28 comments:

Gwei Mui said...

I adored the repition of the word long

jinksy said...

And that, no doubt, was the long and short of it! :)

Jim Murdoch said...

A particularly visual piece this time. If this was mine and I could draw (which, sadly, I cannot) I would have broken this into scenes with an illustration in between each. This doesn't mean that it doesn't work without illustration. I'm simply saying that it would be enhanced by them. So few adult works make room for pictures as if it's something we grow out of.

Derrick said...

A definite feel of long ago with this one, Dave and it keeps rolling, as on those long sea waves.

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Helen said...

A tale full of dreamy magic and mystery. I could see it all unfold around me. Really lovely!

PS ~ did you know Thomas Crapper invented the ball cock?

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Enchanted Oak said...

What a pleasure to take this long enchanting journey into rhythm with you. You truly belong on the Bus today.

Anonymous said...

i'm new... expectancy to post around more oftentimes!

Erratic Thoughts said...

Ohh!That was too good!
A long trail of praises for this one :)
I really really liked the ending!

Niamh B said...

wow, so romantic and magical. beautiful

:-)

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Titus said...

Wow Dave, that was a really unexpected angle; you took me beautifully to a place and time that was real but not quite, I loved the mixture of actual and artifice with the recurring word "long". Surprising read, and that's meant in a good way! Imagination and meaning.

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Carl said...

wonderful. I have wandered in the words several times and drifted in the twilight. Really nice work.

Dave King said...

Gwei
Thanks

jinksy
Absolutely!

Jim
Yup, good idea, but even if I'd thought of it myself - which I didn't - I'd not have had time to do it. One big plus for this prompt business is that it gets me trying stuff I would not have tried otherwise. The dead-line has its uses, too, but the downside to that is that I end up posting pieces I don't consider quite finished. Useful comment, though. Thanks.

Derrick
Glad you took that from it. Encouraging.

Helen
I think I did know about crapper and the ball cock - with the accent on did!
Appreciate your lovely comment.

Enchanted Oak
Thankee kindly. Most appreciated.

Erratic Thoughts
That, too, is a lovely comment, for which much thanks.

Niamh B
I am quite overcome at so many comments on such lines. Grateful thanks.

Titus
I was worried that I might have somewhat overdone the "long", so a very helpful comment. M y thanks.

Carl
And a really poetic comment. Thanks.

Rachel Fenton said...

I just watched "The Painted Veil" the 2006 version and there's a scene in the film - beautiful boat journey down the river - and this poem took me straight there.

Very evocative.

Dave King said...

Rachel
Haven't ever seen that. Must try to. Thanks.

Karen said...

This is wonderful work, Dave! It has the magic of Romanticism. I agree about the illustrations. I can see woodcuts! This is a lovely, magical piece.

NanU said...

enchanting. I like the wishing branch especially. And the short in the last line, bringing us back to a less lengthy dreamy world.

Gerry Boyd said...

really nice write Dave. bravo!

Dave King said...

Karen
I agree: woodcuts would be fine. Thanks for the comment.

NanU
Useful observations, both of them. Thanks.

Gerry
Good to have the comment. Thanks.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Well crafted,ethereal,romantic ,and epic. Good man Dave, great to have you aboard the bus!

Dick said...

The repetition is very cleverly and effectively maintained throughout this rich piece of narrative. This demonstrates the power of poetry over prose sometimes as a narrative medium.

Dave King said...

Totalfeckineejit
Thanks friend, a really good ride. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it.

Dave King said...

Dick
A useful comment. Thanks for it. I totally agree with your last sentence.