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Monday, 28 February 2011



We stood for ages at the waterside.
Gazing. Mesmerised
by having seen.
What had we seen?
And had we seen?
The water heaving
that now is calm.
The present ripples
straight and orderly
swamped by a craze,
alarming patterning
never seen before.
We could not leave.
We stood for ages at the waterside.


Just one of the visual prompts offered by Totalfeckineejit on behalf of this week's Poetry Bus.

19 comments:

Jim Murdoch said...

Nicely structured, the piece top-and-tailed by the same line and all the short lines, lapping. It reads well.

jane.healy said...

Who isn't mesmerised by water?

Well written

anthonynorth said...

I could stand for hours there, too.

Elisabeth said...

Dave, you represent for me the passage of time, this standing by the waterside gazing, such a strong metaphor for the passage of life, lovely.

Carl said...

Dave - Wonderful poem. It captured that feeling of when I get totally absorbed in watching the ocean.

Carl

Kat Mortensen said...

This is making me think of the kayakers who recently photographed Bownessie on their cell phone.
The poem has a bit of a Dr. Seuss feel to me; it could work as a children's book, if illustrated.

Kat

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes, I like this Dave, very much. It actually reads really well from bottopn to top too! A sort of (lmost ish) genetically modified palindromic poem!It captures the pic perfectly, enigmatic and wondrous.Bravo Dave!

Emerging Writer said...

That raises some interesting questions, Dave. What had we seen? lovely assonance

120 Socks said...

Really liked this Dave, love the fact that they were mesmerised, there is something about water that just calls us, maybe we think back to a time when we were part of it.

Strummed Words said...

An underwater dragon...Bessy of Loch Ness, or Puff the Magic Dragon. Water sprites give off magic. I joined into the fantasy.

Tabor said...

This has a nice waterly flow to it! And then leave you in the receding tide wondering...

Linda Sue said...

Lovely poem- and yes, I see the water from where I am sitting right now and it does suck me in- like watching a bonfire but colder...

Kass said...

Strong, with its declamatory style, yet the poem itself is mesmerizing because of structure.

Peter Goulding said...

Love the form and the mystery inheritant in the poem itself. Dark waters, eh?

Dave King said...

Jim
Thanks Jim, appreciate that.

jane
Yes, it goes very deep, I think.

anthonynorth
The pull is as strong as its cause is mysterious.

Elisabeth
That's ture, though it was not in my mind when I wrote it.

Carl
Universal, isn't it? Thanks Carl.

Kat
Yes, I can go with that - both aspects. Interesting response, thanks.

Totalfeckineejit
That, too, is an interesting response. I hadn't realised, but yes, it is so. Much thanks for pointing it out.

Emerging Writer
Welcome and my thanks for the visit and the comment. It does raise questions, I agree. I am happiest when my poems raise questions. Unanswerable ones for preference.

120 Socks
Yes, I'm sure that's part of it. I'm not sure it's all of it, much as I like the thought.

Strummed words
My mind wandered in just that fashion, though the original impulse was a report on the Christchurch earthquake. Not that it was intended as a reference to it, though.

Tabor
And that is a fine way of putting it. Thanks.

Linda Sue
Excellent simile, I can see it clearly. Only wish I'd thought of it! Thanks for it.

Kass
Thanks for that comment. Very encouraging.

Helen said...

There is a yearning inside me ~ to one day live close by a body of water. It happened once, in Florida ~ less than an hour to the Atlantic. Not close enough. Yes, I can stand for hours and hours just 'being one with the waves.'

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

That was lovely. Wonderful atmosphere of mystery.

Dave King said...

Helen
I think I've always had that yearning. For a few years I ran a school canoe group. It was a very happy time.

Madeleine
Hi and welcome to the blog. Really good to have you along. Thanks for visiting and thanks for such a generous comment.

The Bug said...

See, this is why I don't go out in small boats on large still bodies of water - who knows what's under there?