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Sunday, 3 March 2013
Three Short Poems.
Rubbish for recycling:
I take it to the bin,
a wicker basket just the job --
until a neighbour greets me:
Morning, Red Riding Hood!
Ah, I say, but Granny,
What big eyes you've got!
Sunday lunch.
A queue forms at the inn.
On the river, dark
and thick as treacle
where the houseboats rock,
a mist has formed.
Across the bridge
an Asian woman and her children
walk towards me, singing.
Smiles form on their faces.
The street light on the square goes out,
the floodlit football has to stop.
The boys mooch off, debating loudly:
A replay versus the score stands.
Hobgoblin 2011 at dVerse Poets has set us the task of writing short verse.
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25 comments:
haha...you should hear me laugh..the first one is so good...what big eyes you've got...makes my sunday..
love the image you paint in the second one as well.. and oh so tough for the boys to have to wait until the next day for the reply.. really cool, all three of them
...what fun & entertainment sir... i could imagine the basket & the entire scene in your first tale...haha.. had quite intrigued with the second one...could picture the asian group doin' charity work and that they were given money for singing and smiled of grattitude after or i maybe thinking too much... anyway...a kind of panic ensues on the third one... not at all good when each team are def expected to be partial on their own side in situation like this... ha.. cool tales in different moods... smiles...
@ :
Great little snippets with full paintings, Fred. I can picture you in pajamas carrying the basket, not caring what neighbors may think.
"treacle" - British for molasses. (each trip to your site teaches me more)
from Greek: theriakos = 'of a wild animal', later as an antidote for poisonous wild animals and molasses was a laxative to remove the poison.
Second meaning, "anything too sweet or sentimental" [?like much of poetry :-)].
Great glimpses. You have a surgeons skill for setting a scene with a few words.
nice...i am rather partial to that middle one dave...its a crisp clear scene with loads of elements in it...the first gave me a good smile for sure...
Ouch, that was borderline: I hope that didn't offend her.
I feel like writing some more, seeing the way you put characters plus dialogue in your snippets.
I like the 3 poems Dave, each one different and giving me smiles on a Sunday Morning ~
Have a good weekend ~
Fabulous little snippets of three different lives!
How they made me smile, especially the first one.
I can picture this man in his red dressing gown being caught taking the rubbish out by the neighbours!
Haha:D
They are all lovely. What I like best is your allowing the reader to infer things, to catch your drift -to make your connections. Especially funny I thought in the first one--
The others work in a more poignant way. They demand, I think, the reader to share your context a bit more. But they have a wonderful atmospheric feel. I can hear the boys arguing, and the Asian girls and mom - lovely wording re smiles, especially against the heavier treacle of river. k.
They are all lovely. What I like best is your allowing the reader to infer things, to catch your drift -to make your connections. Especially funny I thought in the first one--
The others work in a more poignant way. They demand, I think, the reader to share your context a bit more. But they have a wonderful atmospheric feel. I can hear the boys arguing, and the Asian girls and mom - lovely wording re smiles, especially against the heavier treacle of river. k.
They are all lovely. What I like best is your allowing the reader to infer things, to catch your drift -to make your connections. Especially funny I thought in the first one--
The others work in a more poignant way. They demand, I think, the reader to share your context a bit more. But they have a wonderful atmospheric feel. I can hear the boys arguing, and the Asian girls and mom - lovely wording re smiles, especially against the heavier treacle of river. k.
They are all lovely. What I like best is your allowing the reader to infer things, to catch your drift -to make your connections. Especially funny I thought in the first one--
The others work in a more poignant way. They demand, I think, the reader to share your context a bit more. But they have a wonderful atmospheric feel. I can hear the boys arguing, and the Asian girls and mom - lovely wording re smiles, especially against the heavier treacle of river. k.
PS- I also like the idea of the "recycled" fairy tale.
I enjoyed these, Dave. My favorite is the first one with the quick-thinking, clever retort!
(You did well with short verse, a style not usual with you.)
Nice Dave. Like the three different pieces you've shared here, the middle, is my favorite, although the fairy tale allusion in the first is outstanding as well. Thanks for sharing these.
Impressive snapshots. After reading the first, I must confess, the silence of my room was filled with my belly laugh. And I consider that as probably the greatest amongst poetry's achievements.
Lovely snatches of your consciousness.
Aloha
Great sense of immediacy in these, David--each moment captured and presented perhaps polished a bit, but also intact in its own right.
Loved, loved, that first verse! It cracked me up. Many thanks. That was a brilliant post.
Greetings from London.
Each of your three delightful snippets of life brought a smile to my face.
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Great short poems with the wit thrown in. Like the last one. It's an unending story when it comes to group rivalry. Nicely Dave!
Hank
Such wonderful vignettes. And I loved that I was present at all of them - thank you.
I enjoyed these three photographs depicted with words.Thank you!
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Thanks Everyone
for such a great set of responses. I have been overwhelmed of late by the generosity of your comments. Some have been true critiques, pointing out strengths and possible weaknesses. I do especially appreciate these, and do give them much thought, even when I finally stick by what I first laid down! It is all grist to the mill and helpful in the long run.
Worry not, though, about the lady protagonist in the first poem: she was most definitely NOT offended.
Especially pleasin of late has been the appreciation of my attempts at humour. This is something that has only comparatively recently entered my oeuvre - consciously, that is.
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