Sea swell and gentle roll,
but in the on-board swimming pool,
a giant tsunami.
From the sea, the sun's glare.
The wake of an inflatable
drives shards of darkness to its heart.
Small tugs nudge a massive vessel
into leaving its safe haven
for the open sea.
Thick smoke to starboard...
as if the crew had need
to simulate disaster!
Night orchard now, the sea's
white blossoms brush the windows.
Unseen branches jar the glass.
White horses crest the waves.
Behind them, riderless,
dark troughs for chariots.
Inclement weather.
Lifeboat drill is held indoors.
Boat 2 is in the lounge.
A midnight roll.
My tumbler and its contents
have joined me in the bed.
Another swell, but this one
merely shifts the distribution
of my weight from shoe to shoe.
In mimicry of pilot fish
gulls' shadows swim before
dark porpoise-shapes.
Deafening, the noise
a cable makes. For sure
an anchor chain could make no more.
Monday, 9 November 2009
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26 comments:
Taken together, they poetically tell the tale of your trip, but I prefer these:
Night orchard now...
White horses crest... and
In mimicry...
I always admire haiku, which I consider most difficult to do well.
I agree with Karen but I think
White horses crest the waves.
Behind them, riderless,
dark troughs for chariots.
works best as a standalone piece.
'Sea swell and a gentle roll' and I'm with you on your cruise, anticipating the turbulence to come.
Lots of beautiful imagery here, Dave. You've painted a lovely picture.
Using a cruise to stimtulate haiku seems to me so difficult. They seem on opposite ends of the energy spectrum, but you have done this well.
White horses crest the waves.
Behind them, riderless,
dark troughs for chariots.
Seems a bunch of us really like this!
I like it all, but that bit is my favorite.
Carl
White horses for me too, Dave,
as well as the tsunami in the swimming pool.
Poetry and humour.
Brilliant idea to turn the narrative of a journey at sea into a series of haikus.
The opening line reminds me of Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar." in meter and imagery. This is equally lovely and more pointed.
Fruits of your adventure...nice!
That trip is still with you, feeding your pages.
I enjoyed the cruise via haiku Dave - particularly liked the image of your tumbler of water(?) joining you in bed!
I enjoyed your poetic version of a trip that must have been anything but poetic in the living through!
Nice set of haiku - clearly written and so enjoyable to read!
very well told, in haiku format nonetheless, that takes some doing.
Karen
I agree with you anout the Haiku. The more I write the harder I find it to write them.
Jim
Thanks. My first choice also.
Elisabeth
Good to have you along pay off for optimism, I thought it!
willow
Thanks for that.
Tabor
I take your point, though I must confess that I had not seen that aspect of it until I read your comment.
Carl
Including yours truly - though I almost lost faith in it and didn't include it. It got in at the eleventh hour.
Friko
Thanks for the observation.
Kass
Welcome aboard! I think you might be right. Maybe it was subliminally remembered.
Artist unplugged
Thanks.
lakeviewer
The good bits are more and more with me. The other bits less and less.
Weaver
I did hope someone would pick out that one! Thanks.
jinksy
The middle bit was lazy-poetic - if I can put it that way.
Tumblewords
Many thanks. Much appreciated.
Shadow
Mmm, worth the effort, though. More satisfying somehow.
quite a lovely format for the story of a cruise... and I especially liked how you use sounds as well as image...
Harlequin
Welcome - as are your comments. Thanks.
Been away for a while. Glad to have landed on this. I love Haiku and how they've evovled. And I absolutely admire the majesty of the ocean and anything thats got to do with it.
Beautiful imagery here.
Like waves, haiku roll in
Captured moments of a journey
Delighting bloggers.
Thank you, Dave!
Instants of a cruise, in the belly of it, captured moments. I really enjoyed this.
Wonderful, and you're so prolific, Dave! My favorite of all is "Night Orchard..." but I love the idea of "themed" haiku.
Aniket
Welcome back. I'm with you there, I have been cruising before, but I have not before seen the sea in so many moods - from lazy to tempestuous.
Linda
I like it, I like it a lot. Thank you.
Conda
I've tried a couiple of themed Haiku in the past. The idea does appeal. Thanks for the comment.
I like 'the seas white blossoms' very much, and the bit about the tumbler made me smile.
Obviously a fruitful voyage, so glad it all came right! That's one big fish in the picture...
Hi Dave,
I enjoyed all these but particularly from No.4 down. No.8 presents an irresistible image of dentures smiling up at one from the pillow - if you'll pardon my frivolity and presumption!
I am interested in your Haikus
I have just started my blog, and found you through enchantedoak.
Please visit my site and suggest any poetry links you love,
Dianne
I am interested in your Haikus
I have just started my blog, and found you through enchantedoak.
Please visit my site and suggest any poetry links you love,
Dianne
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