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Friday, 26 August 2011

Masks

The Gooseberry Garden's Thursday Poetry Forms suggests that we try a Bouts-Rimé (poem with rhymed endings) this week. Not natural form for me, but I'm always willing to have a go at five finger exercises. I've tried a version (mine, I think!) of the sonnet.

It's rare these days to meet someone sincere,
someone completely free of all pretense,
whose whole demeanour gives you confidence
that you have seen the heart, not a veneer.
But that's a thought at which some folk might sneer -
it's even known for some to take offense;
I had one ask if I had evidence
that truth would help, not damage, a career.
We all, to some degree, are counterfeit,
we all have subterfuges to commit.
If everyone was totally transparent
my song would be of gladness, not lament,
one sung to my beloved with guitar -
perhaps with champagne and with caviar.

16 comments:

kaykuala said...

Dave,
For a change why not? Very good rhymed endings. You can celebrate it then with the champagne and the caviar!

The Gooseberry Garden said...

well done.

:)

Thanks.

Morning said...

look at mine,


enjoyed your enthusiasm and beautiful imagery in it.

Mary said...

I do like to think most people are sincere...well, MOST. But I think you are right that sometimes truth will NOT help career. (Thinking of many politicians...LOL)

Hannah Stephenson said...

Sincerity and champagne! I value sincerity so much, too...

Crafty Green Poet said...

always good to have a go at a form that isn't your usual form... Good rhymes too

ccchampagne said...

It is ALWAYS a good idea to have some champagne! Especially after composing something this both entertaining, thought provoking and well executed. *cheers*

Rachna Chhabria said...

I value people without pretense too. Another great poem.

jabblog said...

The unvarnished truth spoken at all times would be too much to hear!

Mark Noce said...

Rhyming can put poets in a box, but I think you did really well here:)

Lolamouse said...

Nice job with the rhymes! And who can complain about champagne?!!

Windsmoke. said...

We're all flawed in someway, anyway bring on the champagne and caviar :-).

Victoria said...

I'm not big into rhyming either but this was flowing, not forced, and worked very well. I think you should e-mail it to politicans world wide!!!

Heaven said...

Nice form.. I like the way you ended it up until the end with champagne and caviar.

You are very versatile Dave ~

Thanks for sharing this ~

Dave King said...

kaykuala
Excellent idea. Thanks for the thought!

The Gooseberry Garden
And my thanks to you!

Morning
Welcome to you. Thanks muchly for the visit and the comment.
Always try to return a visit!

Mary
In this particular case it was I not being sincere! It was all down to the prompt - well, that's my excuse! - which was first to produce lists of words and then to construct the poem from them. So the words came first, the thought came later - a five finger excercise, well, that's how I saw it. Nothing wrong with - but not to be taked too seriously.

Hannah
Agreed. Even more than champagne.

Crafty Green Poet
Yes, I thought the form went well. Next the challenge would be to harness it to a poem I actually want to write.

ccchampagne
Thanks for that. Cheers! A toast!

Rachna
Kind words. I thank you very much for them.

jabblog
That's probably very true, but what then to do?

Mark
A warm welcome to you. Thanks for visiting and for leaving a comment. I agree about the box. To change the metaphor, I find rhyming a two-edged sword.

Lolamouse
No complaints. My glass chinks with yours!

Windsmoke
Of course, the champagne might show up the flaws even more!

Victoria
Much thanks for that vote of confidence. Not sure I'd get one from the politicians, though!

Heaven
Many thanks once again. Your comments are always good to have.

unsungpoet said...

So true, these lines, and a rare thing to find someone more concerned with being truthful for the sake of simple, naked realness rather than for the task of promoting oneself.