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Friday, 20 January 2012

The Building Site

Yesterday's dVerse Poets challenge was to write an Imagist poem. Methinks this needs image present to inspire, but as luck would have it I did see one yesterday which much impresed, so here goes...
Two derricks frame the limits
to my field of view.
A child has put them there,
has ruled their chalk lines on
this blackboard of a stormy sky.

Tower and boom
fine as spider silk and straight as light
rays, grace belies
their manliness.

A goal seen through a goal
and in between
the ant-like forms of players take the field.
They're swarming everywhere.

Tower and boom
a solitary sun ray lights
the filigree within.
This fades and then it is
as if another Mondrian has come
and stretched his work in progress
length-ways to the end of sight.

They seem to frame a town.
In truth
it's just another building plot -
and trees -
and roads -
a car park -
and a doctor's surgery
they've tucked their geometric arms around.

19 comments:

Cait O'Connor said...

Tower and boom
fine as spider silk and straight as light
rays, grace belies
their manliness.

My favourite part.

Divya said...

Nice one.. good imagery here David..loved this
his blackboard of a stormy sky.

jabblog said...

Lovely images - you obviously were impressed:-)

haricot said...

Wide view and it leads us to have some inner views....

Mary said...

Impressive writing here, Dave! I'm still struggling with the imagist prompt, but your poem inspires me.

Marbles in My Pocket said...

Great word painting! I think you've done it!

http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/black-words/

Laurie Kolp said...

Delightful, Dave!

Brian Miller said...

this is really good dave...i think you def nailed the style...charles called it a word painting and i agree...

The Weaver of Grass said...

This is clever Dave and i do like your imagery - you are getting so good at it.

Claudia said...

oh i like it a lot david...fine as spider silk and straight as light...this is..smiles

Raven said...

This is carefully woven, you don't "dump out" a picture for me to see. Instead you carefully lead me/us through a group of photos. I like that.

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

Although I feel at a loss about the meaning of "imagist" this poem of yours is poignant and with an impressive cadenza, I feel its climax in
"A goal seen through a goal"

Windsmoke. said...

Very vivid imagery especially the second stanza :-).

Sheila Moore said...

Very nicely done.

Victoria said...

I'm running out of superlatives, David, but this deserves the most powerful one I can think of. I'm astounded how well this fits the prompt and enjoy everything about it. The allusion to Mondrian is spot-on and the ending. Just so much good stuff to rave on about. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

"grace belies
their manliness" ... Ha ha ha! Indeed it does. :)

~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Dave King said...

Cait
- and what first impessed me about the scene. Thank you for saying.

Divya
Hi, and welcome to the blog. Thank you for your comment. Very helpful.

jabblog
Yes, I really was. In fact I have been on several occasions and had been nursing a plan to paint it.

haricot
Good thought, yes, indeed.

Mary
When I first encountered Imagism - in a book on Ezra Pound - I was looking too hard for too much and making it more difficult for myself. It's worth the effort, though. Good luck, and thanks for the comment.

Marbles in My Pocket
A warm welcome to you and many thanks. A very encouraging comment.

Laurie
Thank you.

Brian
Thank you for this, a very kind comment, much appreciated.

The Weaver of Grass
Thanks Weaver, it's always good to get your comments.

Claudia
Thanks. I'm particularly pleased to have your comment on that phrase.

Raven
Hi, and a very warm welcome to you. Good to have you visiting, and a special thankyou for this useful comment.

Tommaso
Thank you. Interesting. That phrase actually came rather late in the composition.

Windsmoke
Thank you. Much appreciated.

Sheila
Good to have your comment . Thank you.

Victoria
Wow, you really do me proud with this. Thank you so much - though I'm not sure I can live up to it.

Shawna
Mmmm, guess it always does! Thanks.

Heaven said...

A very good example to the prompt..I will have to try this sometime. Thanks for showing me how ~

Ygraine said...

Wonderful imagery.
If only our inner views could be this perceptive - and indeed, as wide!
Love this, Dave :)