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Friday, 9 March 2012

2 Triolets

The triolet is the form set by Gay Reiser Cannon in this week's FormForAll at dVerse Poets' Pub. Just follow the link for a full explanation of the form.

I don't remember entering this life,
I'd like to not remember exiting.
I can recall great joys and days of strife,
but don't remember entering this life.
How did I come? by birth canal or knife?
That I have lived outdoes remembering.
I don't remember entering this life,
I'd like to not remember exiting.

....................................................................

I love the shades of night for detail lost,
broad shapes replace the fussiness of day
like landscapes under snow or a thick frost.
I love the shades of night for detail lost,
they thrice repay in magic their small cost.
Some find the night delightfully risqué.
I love the shades of night for detail lost,
broad shapes replace the fussiness of day.

25 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Not a form I was familiar with. Thanks are due to dVerse and you. I enjoyed them both immensely.

Jenny Woolf said...

Always seems a very Victorian form somehow. . It usually tends to dominate the meaning, to me. Makes me think of "Whose woods these are " etc.

rumoursofrhyme said...

Both poems are great uses of the triolet form. I certainly don't want to be able to remember my passing. I'd much prefer it to be shrouded in the fuzziness of night.

rch said...

I like both but enjoy the first a bit more, think I may have to try one now ;-)

vivinfrance said...

These are my favourites of the triolets I've read today. I agree totally with the first, and the second is just beautifully evocative. I did blink at risqué - and wondered if it was there for the clever rhyme.

Semaphore said...

Triplets are a great exercise in economy of language and control, especially with the refrains. You hit it out of the park on these!

Brian Miller said...

very nice dave...i really like the first...i like the subtle change in the anchor line in the first...yeah i dont want to remember

Tabor said...

Form over verse. I like the second one the best, but I am an outdoor nature lover.

Charles Miller said...

Resonant and complete in their execution and reflection. The mirror image of the form gets reflected in the emotion and thought you bring forth.

Manicddaily said...

These are just terrific. Economic, evocative, subtle. k.

manicddaily said...

Comment oddly took before URL was input which is a new one--but here.

Anyway, thanks again. This is a great form for you.

K.

manicddaily said...

Comment oddly took before URL was input which is a new one--but here.

Anyway, thanks again. This is a great form for you.

K.

Kat Mortensen said...

Oh, excellent! The triolet is one of my favourite forms and I know that though they look simple, they are not easy to construct. You have succeeded well with these. It's the third line I always find particularly tricky. I love your implementing of "risque" into the rhyme.

Watch for my Triduum Triolet pair that will be coming up before Easter.

~Kat

Beachanny said...

I enjoyed both of these. The first one is a little quirky but each of us thinks about both ends of our lives every day and this explores that void of knowledge we meet there.

The second resonates for all creatures of the night. The absence of detail makes room at night for the imagination to fill in those lumpy details with other inhabitants than ones we see by day.

Excellent craftsmanship in both!

kaykuala said...

You nailed it for both, Dave! I could sail through smoothly when reading both of yours. Your presentation was flawless. The first was perfect!

Hank

Claudia said...

you've done full justice to the form and both of your triolets doesn't sound forced at all... esp. loved the first one..wouldn't it be cool if we could remember..?

Lolamouse said...

Dave,
Great job on the triolets! The first made me giggle for some reason, and the second was just lovely. Enjoyed them both.

Ygraine said...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading these, especially the first.
It is strange how we can recall very early childhood memories, yet none of us can remember actually being born. Maybe it's Nature's way of protecting us from traumatic associations in later life.
I mean, all those contractions must feel like you're being crushed to death!!

Windsmoke. said...

The second one gets my vote :-)

Mary said...

Hi Dave, you've mastered the triolet form! I liked the first one, as i feel the same way. I don't want to remember exiting my life either!

Dave King said...

The Elephant's Child
Thanks. I had encountered the form before, but not tried it.

Jenny
I do se what you mean. Yes, I think I agree.

rumoursofrhyme
Hi and welcome. Thank you for the comment - the last part of which I truly agree with!

rch
Thanks. Good idea. Good luck.

vivinfrance
Thanks. Risqué: yes, partly for the rhyme, but I also had in mind the risqué things folk do under cover of darkness.

Semaphore
Great to have such a generous comment. Thank you.

Brian
Much appeciate the comment - and second the opinion.

Tabor
Excusable as an excercise, I think - or when stuck for an idea.

Charles
Thank you so much for this.

Manicddaily
Good to have your thoughts on these. Thank you so much. Much appreciated.

Kat
Many thanks for such a thorough appreciation. It is greatly valued. I certainly shall look out for your Triduum Triolet. Sounds intriguing.

Beachanny
Hi, A warm welcome to you and a very sincere thank you for the considered comments. It's goos to have you visiting.

kaykuala
A very gracious comment Hank, for which I thank you very sincere,y.

Claudia
Absolutely! Thank you for the response.

Lolamouse
Actually, I quite like the fact that you giggled. Not sure why, but it appeals to something in me. Thans for the comment.

Ygraine
Yes, indeed. Your remarks echo thoughts that I've often had. I think you must be right, that it's nature's protection. I've know two people who claimed they could remember being in the womb, but neither said they could remember being born.

Windsmoke
Thanks for saying.

Mary
Nope. I'd like to make the trip in my sleep.

Lydia said...

Dave, I read the first one and thought: It would be impossible to like the second one better. Then I read the second and sighed, stretched back in my chair and read them both again. First one: truly remarkable. Second one: the world's best gloaming poem!

Other Mary said...

Hi Dave - I have to concur with what Lydia said so well. Loved the first, loved the second one even more. Kudos.

zongrik said...

the second line is really something to ponder

Dulcina said...

I have enjoyed both triolets very much, Dave. They are deep and show your fears: better not remembering passing away; better not knowing some details which day can discover. In short, you prefer mystery to ugly reality, oblivion to sad memories.
You play with words in a smart way.
The first one about our existence and the second one about the night. It seems as if risk to you were more attractive than security. You'd rather find your own way among darkness to follow a clear path others have traced for you.
Two Triolets before a Triptych and then 3 stages of your life - pupil, teacher and writer -, in your last poem.
You confess in this one:
I love the shades of night for detail lost,
they thrice repay in magic their small cost.

Three is the number of creativity, of good fortune, of divine perfection, of the Holy Trinity.
:)