Nose-close
too close to focus
too close for eye relief
or comfort
shadow forms,
forms of shadow,
form and reform
cruciformly
(triplication's
triple vision),
Calvaric,
until
invisibly,
the gap between us
widens as
the focus hardens.
Drawn together,
Christo's and kleptoes' re-
conciled, drawn
point on top
of empty point,
super-imposed,
imposing on
millwheeling thought,
the one true cross
awaits its occupant -
klepto or Christo?
still Calvaric.
But now
my focus
skips a thoughtbeat
fibrillates
between
the triple crosses
and three noughts -
three (slightly flattened)
screens.
Three figures.
Human.
Legoised.
(He? + me? + who?)
Imprimaturing
the unprintable,
unpennable
that will be penned,
unfaceable
that will be faced.
Child art
or comic art
inspires
a rectilinear
(not rectitudinal, I think) more
like a Descartesque
response: we have
peekingsense
to true reality.
Just theories, faiths
and ignorance
of any credence
our thought has.
Here is
geometry
that makes no sense
...............................
I am making bold to submit this to Anna Montgomery's (see her at chromapoesy) Logophilia 1 prompt at http://dversepoets.com/
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25 comments:
Dave,
This takes lots of efforts to say properly let alone trying to understand it well. Seen the rest and tongue twisters, all of them. Great test for reading aloud. Great write!
Hank
This is difficult to understand. I'm not sure if I got it. But it does convey the feeling of trying to look at something so closely that you wish you can step back a little to see more and the whole thing. I guessing you are looking for truth, struggling to see and trying to get really close and still not sure how to see it. Geometry may not make sense if it is view from certain angles.
Thanks for sharing this piece. Intriguing.
Fantastic!
this prompt should be on more often. You've done great although it seems there's not much said... read between the lines.
I don't pretend to understand all of this yet David, but it is a fascinating read, an intellectual challenge. I will read again.
My motto for the last couple of years has been: reason out what you can understand and feel what you can't. Your poem belongs to this category. To me, as a dance enthusiast, it was a wild performance, rushing me along (especially the second and third stanzas) and then depositing me safely back on solid ground (Here is geometry that makes no sense). By the way, it does.
I loved the white background detail. Above all, I loved your boldness.
Many thanks.
Greetings from London.
HI Dave, I'm seeing the cross-hairs of a target here. So interesting. The Cartesian Calvaric of a body scan. You impress us with the claustrophobia of it all. k.
my focus
skips a thoughtbeat
fibrillates
between
the triple crosses
and three noughts -
three (slightly flattened)
screens....haha a fine use of language sir dave...your response is fun and rhythm superb ...
ha..the gap between us widens as the focus hardens...this could be copied and pasted to many areas of life, couldn't it...another fine write sir
I'm grateful for what I understand, and that's in life itself. If I don't understand every word of this poem , still it attaches itself to me as if by an umbilical.
And wasn't the line,"the one true cross awaits its occupant", just waiting to be written?
Leave it to you!
There are some geometric shapes that make no sense even if you try to describe and put your nose and eyes close. I like the Descartesque response ~ Great writing Dave ~
Wow... you did invent a whole load of new words in this Dave. Very cleverly done. Love the way the readers mind was forced to jump back and forth between a real 'cross' and the game of noughts and crosses. Great imagery and very, very good writing.
I. Love. This. Poem. Possibly because I've had so many MRI's and recognize a feeling of claustrophobia heightened by worry and inquiry relieved by prayer. And, after the sacrifice, will we then know? Dubito, ergo sum.
After catching the tone of submission for answers, I searched the clues I knew--Christo, Calvary, etc (though I cannot place klepto -thief?). The unfaceable will be faced. How intensely personal and true.
Dave,
A very complex, yet interesting piece of writing.
I stepped back to have a look back into your words. Clear of personal influences or bias, then I think I understood youe stance....
Eileen
Awesome write, and fabulous new woeds! Love it, Dave!
Bravo!! Playful and serious at once. Love the interplay between the cross of Christianity and noughts & crosses. A real Morris Dance of a poem, sir, with so much going on. Thank you.
Interesting flow of ideas and imagery here - real sense of Christian imagery overlaying the experience
It made a lot of sense to me but we all know I am quite strange :). I hope my response will have some clarity but is as ever simply how it struck me and may not be your intended meaning. I especially enjoyed the continued connection between words and theological concepts, a dance reinforcing and reframing the central conceit. The savior and the thieves together in their lot at Golgotha, the unresolved questions, and our need to sanction the nonsensical, grasp the ungraspable. Getting us precisely where? Thought provoking and like Alice's rabbit hole took me to a strange and wondrous place.
The words are up and down and around all over this one like scittery live things, and a sense of physical malaise, spiritual malaise, of trying to cure the possibly incurable pervades. Really an excellent, intelligent, thought-provoking poem, Dave.
this is an homage to linear thinking ;)
bonus track
The natural intensity, the progressing force of your various puns give this poem a unique dimension.
I was enthranced, really.
A fine tale told, Dave! Another gem.
So glad there are others admitting that they are not quite on your wavelength this time. Are you? :-)
It seemed to me to be a relationship if not sexual examined by one not totally sucked in to melange. But since everyone else calls it complex I realize I'm wrong.
A note of explanation
Life still insisting on happening, I thought I would first offer a bit of background. I hope to get round to answering you all personally, but may not do so today.
First of all, I knew I was going out on a limb with this. (Translation of which: I didn't know precisely what I was doing. It was very much an experiment.) I did have a full body scan a few months back. The camera, which started above my head and travelled very slowly down my body, had a raised cross on its casing. This was too close for me to focus on it and so was very blurred. I also saw it in double vision - and for a brief period there appeared to be three!! This intrigued me no end. Do I have three eyes? How come? I didn't resolve this, I might add, but it gave riseto the Calvary association. As the camera was nearing the end of its slow journey I noticed the lego-like figures on the screens. Representing me, presumably, but I didn't recognise myself! So, yes, there were a number of issues in the mix: anxiety, religion, medical science - and, of course, trying to meet the requirements of the rather superb prompt!
Thank you all, I can truthfully say that there was not a single response that was not interesting and/or helpful in some way.
Hank
Thanks for this.
Ravenblack
Hi, a warm welcome to you. Yes, I had not seen the conceit in quite those terms, but they aretotally compatible with it. Food for further thought, in fact. Thank you so much.
Gozoa
Hi! Good to have you visiting. Fair comment, indeed. Between the lines... yes!
David
Hi, Welcome and many thanks for your contribution.
A Cuban in London
An excellent motto, if I may say so. There has been a lot of poetry over the years that I have enjoyed before I came to understand it. I'm not putting this small effort into that class, but yes, I think to begin with feeling and let the intellectual bit come in due course is excellent advice. Thanks for.
manicddaily
Actually, it wasn't claustrophobic. I wasn't encasedin anything, just lying on a table with a camera travelling down my body. That bit was easy. I have had the insertion into a tunnel type of scan, but this wasn't that.. I love the Cartesian Calvaric, though. Much thanks.
Brian
Good to read this. Much appreciated.
Claudia
Indeed it could. I hadn't intended it as a more general metaphor, just a description of the mechanis of it, but yes, you are right! Thanks.
Lyn
Hi, it's really good to have you aboard. Remarks like your last paragraph are the sort of comment that drema are made of! So grateful.
Heaven
True, very true. Thanks for saying.
Daydreamertoo
Thank you so much for your kind words. As always, much appreciated.
SusanI think you've pretty much got it, except that it was not a claustrophobic experience. There was, of course, anxiety about the outcome. And yes, you are right Re Klepto. Thank you for your visit and for taking the time to comment.
Eileen
Thank you so much for this observation. It is so gratifying to receive comments like this.
Marbles in my Pocket
Thank you. Very kind and much appreciated.
ds
I like that very much indeed: a Morris Dance of a poem. Yes, me like. Much thanks.
John
Yes, the Christian imagery arose - as I've said above - solely from the design of the camers - its markings -but was no less genuine for that. Thank you for the visit and for your comments. Both are highly valued.
chromapoesy
Maybe we're two strange ones together then, for your comment, like your prompt, meant a great deal to me. I think maybe I made it harder for myself - and readers! - by choosing the form I did. It was maybe too pard down in the circumstances. You have pretty much read it as I hoped it would be read. Alice's rabbit, though, is a delightful addition - wish I'd thought of that! Thanks again for the challenge as also for the very much valued comments.
hedgewitch
"scittery live things": you couldn't have said anything more complimentary! Just what I would wish for my words. A wonderful response, thank you so much for it.
zongrik
Like it. Like it lots. Much thanks.
Thomaso
Thanks so much. Really appreciate this.
Mary
Thanks a lot. Appreciated.
aprille
Not entirely, no. Trying to feel my way!
Dark Angel
Thank you so much for visiting and for taking the trouble to comment. It is good - and useful -to have your thoughts. i'm not sure I fuly understand your first sentence, but no, I didn't see this as a relationship. I guess I need to go back to the drawing board!
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