Moonlit. Deep shadows cross the valley stealing sight. The five men plunging on ahead. Trying to keep up, I kick against a sleeper. Stumble. Twice I nearly fall before the blaze of light. And in the light (think: insect in a spider's web) a rabbit staring straight ahead. The ganger's coat flaps open wide. Voluminous, down to his feet, the coat seems made of pockets. Enormous ones inside. He picks the rabbit up and pops it in. As easily as that. Then we move on. Not far. The light again. A rabbit caught. Five times in all before we're done. The men are quite delirious. Explain: the station master owns the land as as far as you can see. The thought has made their evening perfect as could be! Midnight gone when we get back regain the carriages. (Two are sleepers, one a diner.) No time at all, I'm bedded down. Top bunk. (Mostly the men have bottom ones.) Then in the darkness: Spose youse guessed it, lad... we all of us are gay... wondering... Could youse be interested, eh? Politely I decline. Politely they accept. No more is said, no moves are made. For me, this has the force of revelation. Not what the culture of the day has led me to expect. The warning was they'd force themselves upon me or wheedle their way in. All evening I've been winding back the mileage counter from my bicycle's front wheel -- fluorescent in the dark. And why have I been doing this? I've no idea. The why is lost in memory. The doing, though, is vivid beyond anything that day. Is that not surreal? Would you not say? I reach the target number... Done it! I cry, triumphantly... which in the darkness, worries my five friends. The men were working on the line and living where they worked when I'd turned up, my bicycle unrideable, the last train gone. They'd offered hospitality, as warm as any you might find. They changed my whole perception of how gay people are, what they can be. I look back fondly, even now. Yet only now the thought occurs... But what if I'd said 'Yes'? -- and me still under age?
Popular Posts
-
The moon petals the sea. Rose petals the sea. Stone sea. Stone petals. Rose petals of stone. Stone rising before me. Sea moves. How moves...
-
It all depends, you see, how you go about it. And that I cannot tell you, for that will be dictated by you and by you knowing your friends... -
extract from the poem Koi by John Burnside All afternoon we've wandered from the pool to alpine beds and roses ... -
Hello everyone who follows David King (My Father). On behalf of the family this post is to let you know that Dad sadly passed away, peacefu...
-
The image below was sent to me in an email. It is obviously doing the rounds, so you may have seen it. It is the sunset at the North Pole wi...
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
What we're told and what we learn
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
i am glad that they were able to help shape your perception, an intriguing interaction dave...growing up where i did there was little tolerance back in the day, but i had several friends and in many ways my interactions with them shaped mine as well..
Quite a story, Dave. Glad there was a good ending and you learned something important as well.
A really intriguing almost dream-like story, Dave, with the rabbits and the light and coat - you have a gift for "in medias res" - great story telling. And then the gay business a whole added dimension.
Statutory rape laws pose difficult questions, I think. On the one hand, children are children and easily subject to influence, wanting to please, feeling bullied etc. So they make a great deal of sense on that level. I'm sure that there are situation in which the children are pretty mature, and may even have a lot of leverage, and yet there is still that situation of childishness, not fully understanding all kinds of things.
I'm thinking of your age (as I guess it) and what may have happened on a physical level in terms of AIDS. Now that's so much less of an issue and this may have happened pre-AIDS, but I knew many in New York who were caught at the beginning of the epidemic when safe sex wasn't really a concept. So sad. I just went to the art show of an incredibly talented gay artist, I knew, a wonderful person, who died some time ago. (You might enjoy looking him up since you are an artist too - Frank Moore.) Just an incredibly moving show.
Great story/poem. Much enjoyed. You make things flow easily and discursively in a way that works so well. k.
Here's link if interested:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/07/arts/design/toxic-beauty-the-art-of-frank-moore-at-nyu.html?pagewanted=all
Superb David, the whole story, the pace of it, the dreamy atmosphere with the fundamental, in contrast, reality. And the final question-doubt, the perfect "what might have been" pointing to the present.
What might have been. . . . . coming of age. . . .
Warm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < 3 3 3 ( ' >
And growing up heterosexual, no was not accepted nearly as easily. Not once, but often. Yet I too was presented with 'the reality' that homosexuals had no decency. I am glad that experience countered this universal truth for both of us. And I loved this piece - thank you.
Your piece of writing is a reminder of how numerous time of turnning points would be waiting for us...including the matters of eros and thanatos.
Brian
I don't actually recall any mention of the topic at home. It was like it didn't exist. Anything I'd heard was as playground talk -- difficult to know how seriously to treat it.
Mary
Yes I did, but not immediately. It was years later, looking back whenI could assimilate it that the lessons went home.
Manicddaily
Many many thanks for all your comments and observations. I think you are quite right to distinguish between "childiish" and mature children. A distinction not drawn frequently enough in my view. (so I have heard the view expressed officially that children are ALWAYS to be believed. THEY DO NOT LIE. (!)
I have been trying to work out how old I was. I am not sure exactly, but I think it must have been 13 - 14. Of course, by today's standards we were ALL immature back then! As to AIDS. We had not heard of it. Was it around? It certainly wasn't known about. In that respect it was a time of innocence.
Thanks for the link. Haven't explored it yet, but certainly will do so.
Tommaso
Thanks for these kind words, a really helpful comment.
Cloudia
Exactly. What if I had?
The Elephant's Child
Yes, they had a mountain of prejudice to climb back then.
haricot
Thank you, yes, it certainly does point that way.
Things are never quite as they seem because, I suppose, we perceive situations around us in our own way.
Something that may seem 'unnatural' to us can be perfectly normal to others.
I guess that human diversity is what makes for an interesting life.
A thought-provoking and enjoyable read, Dave. Many thanks :)
Post a Comment