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Friday, 7 June 2013

Dadaist for a Day


I lift up my eyes
to the hills
the G4 towers
from which cometh
laughter
words in the right order
leaves on the tree
the rats eat
fire
sitting at my table
and not disturbing a penny
for my sins
daring the future
hoping to be buried in a woodland glade
beside a yogurt factory.
But everything is digital these days
except happiness
and sadness is machinery.
Cogs are so destructive
and madrigals
the tinnitus of music
accumulate red earth
and the sound of skate boards
coming out of church.
Birds at their dawn chorus
colour the air.
Warmth turns to winter
and what is worth saving
is the knowledge that nothing lies
outside life
but a man in a copper kettle.
Memory foam
synthetically fills
the ocean of your mind

Charles Miller at dVerse Poets Form for All is encouraging us to write as Dadaists this week and suggests two methods, both of which involve scissors. I have tried a slightly different method: choosing one of my note books, I prepared a list of random page and line numbers, looked each up in turn and wrote down the corresponding line in strict order. Finally, I allowed myself four adjustments, changing the positions of certain lines.

26 comments:

Rachna Chhabria said...

"Memory foam
synthetically fills
the ocean of your mind"

The last lines make it so memorable :)

The Weaver of Grass said...

Very Dadaish Dave - I am now going to try it.

kaykuala said...

Warmth turns to winter
and what is worth saving

The seasons progressed too fast. One gets to move fast too, to salvage whatever that can be saved. Yes, one has to move! Nicely Dave!

Hank

manicddaily said...

This works incredibly well. You could if you wanted to depart from the exercise make it even tighter, but it works terrifically well as is. The beginning is especially strong, and many great lines - The beginning very funny and strong but an especial poignancy in the last half:


But everything is digital these days
except happiness
and sadness is machinery.
Cogs are so destructive
and madrigals
the tinnitus of music
accumulate red earth
and the sound of skate boards
coming out of church.
Birds at their dawn chorus
colour the air.
Warmth turns to winter
and what is worth saving
is the knowledge that nothing lies
outside life
but a man in a copper kettle.
Memory foam
synthetically fills
the ocean of your mind


k.

Björn said...

This is amazing David.. not the least the rat eating fire... Great work still sounding nice.. but still absurd enough to keep the dada :-)

Ygraine said...

I love "Memory foam synthetically fills the ocean of your mind"...really sums up the entire poem.
I am inspired to try it for myself after reading your masterpiece.
Many thanks.:)

Brian Miller said...

well now...that is shiver worthy...the rats eating fire and the laughter from the g4 tower....the penny for your sins...what is worth saving is the knowledge that nothing lies outside of life...wicked lines there too...cool write man....

jabblog said...

Stream of consciousness - quite amazing. I loved these lines - Birds at their dawn chorus
colour the air.'

ds said...

I love this. It has humor, but is also quite profound. I'd say you got your words in the right order ;-)
Am especially fond of "But everything is digital these days/except happiness/and sadness is machinery." and "Memory foam/synthetically fills/the ocean of your mind". So so true.

Thank you, sir. I learn from you always.

Heaven said...

Beautiful work David ~ My favorite part is when you said about the everything is digital these days,exccept happiness, and your ending lines - nothing lies outside life ~ Very meaningful write too ~

Charles Miller said...

I probably should've added that scissors were not necessary. I'm glad you exercised your poetic license and came up with the new method. I think the result is very compelling.

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

Poignant images, I intensely share your "memory foam".

Claudia said...

the rats eating fire...the tinnitus of music..skate boards coming out of chruch..ha..the man in a copper kettle...very cool

L. Edgar Otto said...

Great Experiment Dave... weaving thru your notebooks is he depth of the stuff of life.

We can of course perform but once as it seems we do in but one life, to cut the one sided metal ribbon to make two, art in the post-modern making... or we discern more in our surrealistic calculus

All your blog poet friends have made the most intelligent comments and can see the depth of work clearly in the whole or in but a single line...

Elephant's Child said...

I loved this - you found a more than clever way to go Dada for the day.
'Birds at their dawn chorus
colour the air' spoke loudest to me - they do, and they brighten my world.

bostonpoetry said...

Ooh, so many cool lines and phrases! What a brilliant Dadaist interpretation. I liked:
the rats eat
fire

and

hoping to be buried in a woodland glade
beside a yogurt factory.

quite a bit. Very surreal and strong visually. Great job! -Mike

Robyn Greenhouse said...

The lines came together so well. I especially liked
But everything is digital these days
except happiness

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

I like your method and the way your poem turned out.

aprille said...

Like your method: anything rather than getting out scissors and glue :-)
The result is not too incongruous either.
The 'man in the copper kettle' speaks to me. I feel a poem coming on...

mindlovemisery said...

"the tinnitus of music"

This is absolutely fantastic Dave! Love it =) I was too late for the deadline but I had to try and like you I chose to use my own words

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Brilliant Dave.

I too hope to be buried in a woodland glade beside a yogurt factory - the yogurt factory a must!

Anna :o]

Dave King said...

Rachna
Thank you so much!

The Weaver of Grass
Great. Look forward to reading it.

Hank
Salvage, sums it up, perhaps! Thanks for.

Manicddaily
I especially appreciate your comments here. I am sure you are right, I felt there were several ways I could have gone on, but all way outside the brief. (My poem was technically outside it, I thought, though I tried to stay within the spirit.) Thanks for the help.

Björn
Yes, sometimes difficult to keep sane whilst being absurd! Nice balance! Thanks for the observation.

Ygraine
I do hope you have a shot. I shall look forward to seeing the result. Thanks for all the kind words.

Brian
Thanks Brian. This the sort of write that needs outside comment to confirm or maybe correct one's own thinking.

jabblog
Yes, it wasn't meant to be stream of consciousness, but I guess that's how it ended up.

ds
Very many thanks for your thoughts on this. It is a great help to have them.

Heaven
Really good to have these thoughts of yours. Thank you so much.

Charles
Not at all. Very grateful for the challenge - let you into a secret: I had tried the scissor method once before, and found myself all at sea with it! Very many thanks for the prompt.

Tommaso
Thanks for this.

Claudia
Thanks. Really good to know your thoughts.

L Edgar Otto
My thanks for these comments, so comprehansive and generous. Much to think on.

Elephant's Child
Clever little things are they not? They brighten the world for us all. What a shame they cannot write!

boston poetry
Many thanks for such a helpful set of comments.

Robyn
Thanks Robyn. These comments much appreciated.

Vanessa
Thanks. Really good to have you commenting.

aprille
Thanks for your thoughts on this. Much appreciated. I shall look forward to reading of the man in the copper kettle.

mindlovemisery
Thanks. Great minds.... eh?














Dave King said...

hyperCRYPTICal
Might see you there then, sometime! Thanks for commenting

Carl said...

Very interesting! Shake up what you have already written and see what pours out.!

Dave King said...

Carl
Something like that, yes -- most of it was rejected or not yet used stuff, though. I did consider using some of my poems, but then decided against.

Anna Graham said...

This is fantastic, a sharp push and pull.