A Gooseberry Garden Spell to Prove a Lover

(see here for details of their suggested modern spell.)

Turn your antenna towards the moon
switch on the box and croak or croon
or whisper it low or simply hiss:
"I summon the flesh that I wish to kiss!
Lover true or faithless cur,
are you Divine - or Lucifer?"

Blackberry, Apple, broadband, i-,
all the powers high on Sky,
Say if my love is far or nigh,
say if my love will live or die.

Say with conviction you wish him well
or if you wish the bugger in hell.
Tell him you'll spell him into bed,
or if you wish, you're wishing him dead.
Remember your mind is far from set.
The spell will tell if love is met.

Blackberry, Apple, broadband, i-,
all the powers high on Sky,
Say if my love is far or nigh,
say if my love will live or die.

Look at the set, the snow, the rune
(ancient wisdom from the moon):
there in the scribble, your love, your hate
to turn you on or to nauseate.
All your hopes and fears are there,
brought to you across the air.

Blackberry, Apple, broadband, i-,
all the powers high on Sky,
Say if my love is far or nigh,
say if my love will live or die.

Now turn off the set, run round it twice
then eat an Indian full of spice.
Eat for joy when the meat is cold,
cold as love that is not bold,
but whether the spell says love is vane
or open your heart to the hurricane,

Blackberry, Apple, broadband, i-,
all the powers high on Sky,
have said if your love is far or nigh,
have said if love will live or die.

Squark in your best voice: "Man is weak!"
and give your SatNav a chance to speak:
'Arriving at destination,' you
have proved your lover good and true,
but heed the words that you're bound to hate:
'Recalculate! Recalculate!'

Blackberry, Apple, broadband, i-,
all the powers high on Sky,
Say if my love is far or nigh,
say if my love will live or die.