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Friday, 16 September 2011

Postcard from the sun

Finally arrived here late last night,
had chicken sandwiches (cold) then straight to bed.
Up with the lark this morning, eh?
First with a lounger, soaking up the sun
and studying my fellow guests -
and what a crumby lot they are, close up!
I watched them in the pool for quite a while... ah yes,
the pool! Guess what: there's human swimmers and there's fish:
angel fish, spiny things, exotic fish of all sorts. Popular?
You've never seen the like of it, they're queuing up to have a splash.
I thought I'd have a dip and got in line. Some monkey says to me:
"Gotta put down a deposit, John!" "How much?" I says,
"Your life is forfeit!" so this dickhead says. Imagine that.
Can you believe it? Quite preposterous. They're all mad here!
I told him what - and jumped in anyway. "The holiday
is all inclusive, mate!" I yelled, once I was in. Tell you what, though:
three old dames just passed, one's a flipping zebra,
skin all bands of dark and light - I wont say where:
one's covered in a polka dot design; and the third...
all brindled and with whopping patches like a cow. The word is -
I've just heard - the pool's a gene pool. People come
(to take the waters, so to speak) from round the world
to swap their genes with what- who-ever comes around,
all random like. I'm not sure how that works, maybe
there's something in the water. It's something chemical
or magical. Or just chimerical. Who knows? for them as do's not saying!
Whatever. Fact is, you might end up part jelly fish;
you might be better off. More likely worse,
but if you're not content with what you are, you take the chance.
They call it therapy. If so. it strikes me, mum,
they should have dolphins in the pool,
imagine what we might pick up from them.
A thought. I think I've partly sussed it mum:
them going down into the pool, they could be punters
in some glitzy big casino. They're full of fear and trembling,
they don't expect to win, they know that most of them
will take a beating, just a few will win - or none at all.
Which makes me think... the psychedelic dames...
they might have used cosmetics. Can't be seen unchanged
when morphosomething's all the rage. Cripes and bugger me,
you'll never guess what now! Some bathing dame has just held up a fish -
and there's a finger sticking out its head. Must go,
just to say I'm safe and well, stop worrying, love son. XX

I have offered this poem to dVerse Poets for citiques

21 comments:

jabblog said...

Brave new world??

Brian Miller said...

haha...this is a treat..engaging and humorous...in the way of critique i would offer to open it up a bit, put in some line breaks and let it breathe...would love to hear this one...reads like spoken word...

Elisabeth said...

As Janice says, a Brave New World. Your imagination, Dave, never ceases to amaze me. In the beginning I thought you might have gone on holidays and was passing off your itineracy for poetry until I reached zebra woman.

Wonderful and whimsical, and slightly scary. Thanks, Dave.

ArtistUnplugged said...

What pictures must flow through your mind, we are priveleged to have them stream out into verse. I probably wouldn't dip a toe to test the temperature in that pool!

Arron Shilling said...

this has got great dynamics Dave -the narrators voice has got great bounce and momentum - i think the content is wonderful and chock full of intresting phrases allusions and excelerations of imagination - V.enjoyable reading experience -

The Weaver of Grass said...

Glad that is not me getting that postcard from my son!

Rachna Chhabria said...

Another nice poem, Dave.

Eileen T O'Neill ..... said...

Dave,

I do hope your having a wonderful, care-free time.

Eileen :)

Linda Sue said...

HAHA- I would SO jump in!

Gizmo said...

Good poem :)

but cold chicken? :yuck:

Haley Brooke said...

The whole thing was littered with strong imagery. It definitely paints a great scene.

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

The visionary vein is amazing..."chemical... chimerical" perspires exuberance.

Lolamouse said...

What fun reading your poem! Puts a new spin on the meaning of "gene pool." I guess the dickhead in the poem could be a literal representation as well considering the morphing of body parts going on in that pool! I'd hate to be the one in charge of cleaning it!

Henry Clemmons said...

One heck of a post card. They must have big ones at the "Sun*.
WHat an imagination you have. The images keep both sides of the brain working. And I was busy trying to figure out what you were driving at with all you describe, and then I thought about your MC. Why is he there? WHat is he trying to tell his mum in the postcard? IS he just an observer? I say not, because he was bound and determined to jump in the same pool he was describing. Some neat issues to pnder. I wonder what he hoped to gain by jumping in the pool? And why describe it to mum and then tell her he got in it too. Interesting read. I really enjoyed it. And thanks for the visit to my page and commenting on my commentary.

hedgewitch said...

Loved this vaguely demented and extremely intelligent look at the warped and wild world of the twisted human mind, especially liked it in the form of a vacation postcard to mum. All thumbs up, even ones protruding from fish heads.

Windsmoke. said...

Bonza poem which sounds like a cross between the fountain of youth and genetic engineering with Dr. Frankenstein in charge :-).

seasideauthor said...

Definitely a vacation of horror, swimming with the fishes may not be so pleasurable.Great description of the dating world. Gene pool. Great write!

Dave King said...

jabbblog
Not sure about the "brave"!

Brian
Yes, I think I agree with your suggestion. Thanks for it. Also agree that hearing it spoken might be interesting.

Elisabeth
Yes, I can see why you might have thought I was on my hols. The zebra woman must have come as something of a shock!

ArtistUnplugged
Much thanks for that. I think I might give it a wide berth, too!

Aaron
Wow! Thanks for such generous response.

The Weaver of Grass
I have to agree with that!

Rachna
Much thanks.

Eileen
I am indeed. Thanks for the wish.

Linda Sue
I don't think I would... well, I might, if you held my hand!

Gizmo
Hi! Welcome to the blog. Thanks for the comment. It is much appreciated.

Haley
Good to have you visiting. I'm so pleased you liked the poem. Thanks for saying so.

Tommaso
Thank you for such a fab' comment.

Lolamouse
Brilliant! Yes, it all started with the double meaning of "gene pool", but the dickhead bit, I hadn't thought of. That really is superb! Thanks for it. Made my morning!

Henry
A warm welcome to you. Good to have you visiting and thank you for the response. What fascinating issues you raise. I guess I modified my thinking during the writing. To begin with he was just a guy on holiday writing home and trying to work out what was going on in the pool. It was quite late in the day that I had him actually jumping in. I did think that relating it all to mum and then telling her that the purpose of the card was to stop her worrying, might inject a b it of humour. Think that misfired, for no one has picked it up.

Hedgewitch
Hi and welcome to the blog. Glad you liked it. Thank you for visiting, and for such a brilliant reply.

Windsmoke
Yup, I think that about sums it up!

seasideauthor
Hi! Good to have your visit and to hear that you enjoyed it. Thank you for the comment. All such are very welcome.

Bluebell Books said...

you are such a talented gem.
keep it up.


You’ve got superb talent in creative writing,
Keep it up.

Please check out short story slam week 10 prompt today.

It is great to write and entertain our children,
Don’t you agree?

Give it a try,
Let your beautiful imagination fly.

Best.
Happy Autumn!
xoxox

unsungpoet said...

Very amusing!...What an imagination!

Mary said...

Oh, lordie -- if this is what goes on at an 'all inclusive,' spare me. LOL.