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Friday, 24 February 2012
The Night Garden
(Written for the dVerse Poets' Visual writing masterclass.)
Trees in the night garden
scraped as on a scraper board
stark black and dazzling white.
Shards of light
snagged on branch and bark
sketch the maple in
a new design.
Winter's straggling beams
weave ghostly other trees
against a cobweb foliage.
A spiral
or a wing form
give themselves
mysteriously
as petals to the dark.
They will become full flower by day.
All thoughts of a Divine Designer
unravel in the tangled mess
of the forsythia.
Nearby
a rustle in the hellebores.
They shake or nod their heads
in total disagreement
look down ashamed
of their discord
recorded in
the flicks and flashes of the night.
Beyond the garden,
the willow backdrop
introduces colour.
Its curtain of faux gold.
sways, turns to cataract -
an aerosol of light -
as cold air stills.
...........................................
Do pop along to the dVerse website and read the prompt for yourself. It is too much for me to post and too good to shorten.
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28 comments:
"winter's straggling beams" What a perfect expression. I am ready for this shift between very different beauties. Wonderful imagery and presentation.
This was really lovely. I do love the garden at night, sitting out there listening to the sounds, everything takes on a whole new look,a nightime wonderland.
Our willows, those that are left, are turning golden too. I just noticed it yesterday. This is lovely.
I could really see and feel you garden and certainly I wished I was there! (In summer though.) The philosophical forsythia, embarrassed Hellesbore, and the wonderfully photo-genetic (not a word) willow.
Thanks for moment there. K.
It is times like this that the designer comes to mind!
Beautiful description of your night garden..really beautiful!
"All thoughts of a Divine Designer
unravel in the tangled mess"
and that next to last stanza, nice!
interesting to see natural doubt expressed this way, and the "cold air stills" actually gave me a peace that the doubts were calming down, giving way ;-)
funny how we read into things! very nice, thanks dave
This poem is visually stunning, Dave. I love the surreal images.
you def bring some fine visuals sir dave...smiles...for me the first that really caught me was...
Winter's straggling beams
weave ghostly other trees
against a cobweb foliage.
nice
All vivid and lovely, Dave. I especially like:
Shards of light
snagged on branch and bark
sketch the maple in
a new design
There are so many lovely lines in all of this, I cannot really say which I enjoyed the most. The imagery is so beautiful, and the picture you painted of the willow tree was truly exquisite.
A really lovely write Dave.
I shall not choose among your lines as they all make up a somewhat surreal whole. Wonderful observations of how night changes shapes and outlines, how their is a dark side to the natural world we observe by day. One might call it the other side of their personality. Beautifully painted here, sir.
For me, this is about a spiritual battle and internal confusion.
These are my favorite parts:
"Winter's straggling beams
weave ghostly other trees
against a cobweb foliage."
"All thoughts of a Divine Designer
unravel in the tangled mess
of the forsythia."
"They shake or nod their heads
in total disagreement
look down ashamed
of their discord"
"the willow backdrop
introduces colour"
~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
i love how things look different at night and even familiar things are not familiar any more but suddenly seem to have a life of their own...my fav was the divine designer unravelling in the tangled forsythia mess...nice
nice job David, really like how you packed the piece with visuals and descriptions, but really liked the internal narration you seem to put forth, love your use of or here, minor I know, but I really love the little things in poetry and how one word and where its placed can give off such power. Great job. Thanks
Dave,
You have captured the tired and out of season view of the night garden. Awakening to the first stirs of summer and new days of growth ahead.
As with life!!!
Lovely words....
Eileen
LOVE this stanza:
Nearby
a rustle in the hellebores.
They shake or nod their heads
in total disagreement
look down ashamed
of their discord
recorded in
the flicks and flashes of the night.
Excellent.
Very vivid imagery of a nightime wonderland :-).
Very nice description, "scraped as on a scraper board / stark black and dazzling white." I also like the sound echo of "stark" and "shards." Another nice image was "A spiral / or a wing form / give themselves
mysteriously / as petals to the dark."
ahhhh I loved this. As I read it I imagined all of the images. I on't know why we love the night so much. Maybe its because its a place we don't see that often, which makes it more mysterious, more romantic...I don't know- but it we do...or at least- I do! :)...this held such great description AND form AND flow!
This poem of yours breathes the heart of the night.
In the summer I wrote " Night In The Garden" ( one of my dearest poems which I am submitting to magazines in earnest) and which would gladly "discourse" with this poem of yours.
What coincidences can poetry bring!
A fantastic write with my favourite line being "scraped as on a scraper board
stark black and dazzling white."
Reminded me of Dylan Thomas.
You have created a vivid image in this one...I can see the stark trees in their limited lighting...All thoughts of a Divine Designer
unravel in the tangled mess
of the forsythia..love this line
You had me at the title. Beyond that, the first three stanzas could each stand on their own, but work marvelously together to lead us to the rest. "All thoughts of a Divine Designer/unravel in the tangled mess/of the forsythia." Gorgeous. And the willow as cataract! You have captured a place, a time (two, actually), and a mood--that moment of introspection when we are looking out at a garden, or the night, and wondering begins. Brilliant write, sir. Thank you so much.
The imagination in the darkness is growing in me, and they all look like people.
Perfect use of imagery...a divine designer of words! Thank you Dave!
I thought of the chaos that is winter bringing into play so much anxiety and foreboding. The way nature changes and its infinite variety, even amidst such turmoil of the natural order, questions all design. Interesting to note that winter was the when the creation myths are told in native cultures. By retelling these stories, they hope to return the world to chaos and remember that from this chaos new life is born.
Beth
Hi, welcome and thank you for coming. Your comment is very much appreciated.
pandmoniumcat
Hi, Good to have you visiting and many thanks for your comment. They are all valued.
Yousei
Thanks for this, and most welcome. I must say I was surprised by the gold colour. I hadn't noticed it before.
manicddaily
Many thanks for these wonderful comments. You've almost written my next poem for me! I don't sit out in the garden a lot in Feb. at night! I went out looking for inspiration.
Rallentanda
I do so agree with your opening sentence. Thank you for your comments. Good to have them.
adan
Very many thanks for these interesting observations. They are much valued.
Mary
Thank you for these kind words.
Brian
Thanks for this. really good to know your thoughts.
Laurie
The first words I wrote. I guess it all came from them. Thanks.
Daydreamertoo
Thank you so much. A really exciting response.
Beachanny
Hi and a warm welcome to you. Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging comments. It's really helpful to know mthe thoughts of others.
Anonymous
Hi and a warm welcome to you. I am grateful for your comments and the time you took to make them. It is good to have your company.
Claudia
Thank you so much for these words. They are very much appreciated.
Fred
Thanks for these thoughts. It is good to have you visiting. Odd that you should pick on "or": I spent some time considering whether to put 'or' or' and'!
Eileen
Very many thanks for these observations. They are most apt and very helpful to me.
De
Hi, and a warm welcome to you. good to know your thoughts. Thanks for saying.
Windsmoke
Thanks. Appreciated.
Blue Flute
A warm welcome to you and much thanks for your generous comments. Good to have you visiting.
stu mcp
Thanks for this. Yes, it is puzzling, why the night appeals so strongly. Maybe because we less detail and during the day we suffer from a surfeit of it.
Tommaso
Indeed, it does happen very frequently. I've always felt it was the web, but yo may well be right, perhaps it's the poetry. Thanks for the comment.
skyraft
Wow, I am flattered! Dylan Thomas, eh! Seriously, though, thank you so much for your kind comment. It is always good to know what folk think. And good to have your company.
Susie
Thanks as always for your much appreciated comment. Most encouraging.
ds
A really fabulous comment, for which I do thank you. Such responses mean a great deal, and it is always good to have your company.
haricot
Intriguing - but then, that's the dark for you! Thanks.
neelthemuse
And thanks for your visit and comment. Both are very much appreciated.
Charles
Your point that it was winter when the creation myths were told was not known to me. I agree that is interesting. Fascinating, in fact. Thank you for that and for your comment generally. There is much in it that is of interest.
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