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Saturday, 2 January 2010

Haiku #3

Sauna soberly,
the Russians are advised -
who die too often in the tub.

+ local news

The cat this morning
examining the snow
as something unexpected.

24 comments:

Raj said...

*blink blink*
i didn't get the 2nd para. :(
cud u explain it?

Dave King said...

It's just the way it seemed to me, the cat investigating something that had surprised it.

TheUndertaker said...

Hey David, I like the line about sauna soberly, being a swede and all. We are not quite as crazy as the russians, or the Finns, for that matter, although I am sure they would tell a different story : )

And cats are a bit like that, huh. I like your style of poetry

Dave King said...

To all
For any who might not have read my note in the Comments for yesterday, I think maybe I should repeat the explanation I gave there. These poems are Not-Quite-Haiku because I am being flexible with the 5-7-5 format - which makes less than complete sense in English anyway. Even more, though, they are NQH because in Chinese more is required than the format. Some seasonal reference and a seasonal feeling is required, for example. A cutting word at the end of a line is also required to give the poem a particular mood or to cause the reader to reflect. The poem speaks in the present of a moment out of time, and therefore is almost barred from the sort of comment to which I am endeavouring to put its English equivalent. It's third requirement, brevity and compression, I shall strive to achieve.

Karen said...

I like your NQHs and think it's a great exercise to make poets pare down to the essential.

Both of these succeed!

Kass said...

I too like the paring and the change in format to include objects and situations outside of nature. After all, there is human nature...and animal nature.

Tabor said...

Only someone who can actually write poetry can do NQHs. I admire your courage and your words.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Haiku 1. I think you are saying here Dave that vodka and extremes of hot/cold do not go together very well.
Haiku 2. My goodness, you know cats' minds - couldn't agree more that that is exactly what a cat would have you think when it put its paw on to the snow for the first time!
Two lovely, well-observed haiku - look forward to more!

Crafty Green Poet said...

I love the second one, I've seen cats do that....

Have a very happy new year

Enchanted Oak said...

I love any form of haiku or not quite haiku, or even just really short poems. Poems sing. And yours do.

Dianne said...

Great jog, i love it. Thank you f or your NQHs
and for the info:" A cutting word at the end of a line is also required to give the poem a particular mood or to cause the reader to reflect. "

Looking forward to more, It is one of my favorites because time alone to read or write is blike Haiku, brief, present only at the moment, and potent.
Dianne

Linda Sue said...

LOVE love love LOVE! Please never explain your poetry to anyone- either they are on the bus or they are not...you rock!!!LOVE

ewix said...

In my dotage, I rather thing popping off in the sauna might be one of the better ways to go!
Haiku rule
will try a news one soon.
Sorry I have been so absent.
Still enjoy your blog.

Linda said...

Linda's of a feather, flock together! I agree both with the love and the lack of explanation! Well put, Linda Sue! If we Haiku responses to you, we may become better at this too! =D

My dog this morning
ignoring the snow
chased the grey squirrel.

Canadian pets are used to snow. When Lindsay gets the first snowfall, she rolls around in it and gets covered! Reading your NQH, I visualized a cat, sticking it's right front paw out the door and then sniffing it's paw to experience the snow. Is your cat grey and white? The other NQH?

I visualized a group of overweight naked Russian men in a sauna, gasping for air. Thanks for the imagery! =D

Rachel Fenton said...

I think there's something magical about using the barest of skeletons of word structure for poems.

susan sonnen said...

The second NQku delighted me!

susan sonnen said...

The second NQku delighted me!

June Calender said...

NQH - good idea. Like the others the second clicked with me. Being a painfully literal person I am bothered by the first NQH as I've never seen a sauna with a tub. Nor a sauna with a dead Russian, perhaps they got the message about sobriety.

JeannetteLS said...

These are FUN, Dave. I was sipping something while I read the first--BIG mistake! I hope you are enjoying writing them as much as we enjoy reading them. While I enjoyed the second, the first did me in.

Adrian LaRoque said...

These are fun Dave!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

The flexibility within your haiku make for wonderful and witty words, with what feels like just the right cadence and rhythm! Great fun!

Elisabeth said...

Whatever they are here, Dave, proper haiku or not, they're wonderful. So layered and evocative.

Isn't that what Haiku is about? To quote Thomas Hoover's Zen definition of Haiku: 'The mind is struck as if with a hammer bringing the senses up short and it releases a flood of associations'.

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