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Sunday, 30 October 2011

Love Song

This is the poem I didn't send
that I didn't intend
that didn't end
(and couldn't mend)
the quiet affair that was never quite there.

This is the poem that never was -
my favourite poem of all, because
it would have meant that you were there
sharing the castle we built in the air
for a lost affair that was never quite there.

In the labyrinth that now is me
all rooms are open, you are free
to wander at will, no need for a key
not in our castle high in the air
in the quiet affair that was never quite there.

Alas for intentions. Unwittingly
scattered around - Catastrophe! -
"No Entry" signs - you thought from me...
How could that be, so high in the air?
Sad, the affair that was never quite there.

23 comments:

sunny said...

Hi Mr Dave,beautiful poem,thanks for sharing

Leatherdykeuk said...

I like this. Poems about writing poems are deliciously recursive.

The Weaver of Grass said...

This is lovely Dave and so sad.

kaykuala said...

Dave,
Beautiful rhyming all the away. Pity that the affair did not register! Excellent write!

Hank

haricot said...

Hi,
Love is many splendor thing, as it's sung, though it vanishes when one try to grasp. Castle in the air, truely.

Jim Murdoch said...

I am not a great fan of rhyming poetry despite the fact that my favourite poem of all time rhymes even though you’d never know it when you read it but I think this works despite having the oddest structure. The one thing I think you might think about is the last line of the first verse: I think you need an adjective before ‘affair’ – my suggestion would be ‘quiet’. Other than that, for me, it works and it has a peculiar charm about it,

Isabel Doyle said...

Nice light touch with successful rhythm and rhyme, without ever feeling forced.

I think you've mrried the style and the subject matter very neatly.

Isabel x

Eileen T O'Neill ..... said...

Dave,

A very nice considerate poem. Not 'pie in the sky,' but very desirious.
Perhaps a time for fulfillment!

Eileen

jabblog said...

I like the flowing rhythm and the subtle rhymes. It seems regretful rather than sad - and the passage of time always imbues past events (or non-events) with softer tones.

Mary said...

I love the rhythm and flow of this poem and the thoughts within, the dreaminess and reflection. Lovely to think about those castles that might have been shared, if only...

David Cranmer said...

Nice one, sir.

120 Socks said...

Unfulfilled love affairs - have such timeless possibilities!

Mishi said...

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

Windsmoke. said...

Bonza rhyming poem, when we're in love we're on cloud 9 so to speak but as suggested a Castle High in the Air could be the same. :-).

Carl said...

both sad and sweet

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Beautifully done!

Dave King said...

sunny
Thanks for the kind comment.

Leatherdykeuk
Yup, that's part of what makes them fun to write, of course.

Weaver of Grass
Thanks. I struggle with love poetry, so find your comment encouraging.

kaykuala
Well, guess you can't have everything! Glad it registered with you, though.

Jim
I don't do much rhyming verse, as you know - today's is another exception! - but this time the firat stanza wrote itself.
As for the suggestion, which is interesting: I don't quite se why "affair" needs an adjective, but I do rather like the sound of the line after the addition of "quiet", so I shall probably make the change. Thanks for the comment, always good to have them.

Isabel
Thank you very much for the comment. I find it most useful.

Eileen
This is such an optimistic comment, I love it. Thanks.

jabblog
Yes, I agree: regretful rather than sad, but I thought sad would be the way the young man concerned would see it at the time. You pick on the essential point, I think: I did see it as an opportunity to write more softly than my usual.

Mary
Thank you for that. It's cheering that you saw it that way. I think a lot of writing (mine, certainly) is done from the "what if?" standpoint.

David
Much thanks.

120 Socks
They do indeed. Fulfilled ones are sufficient unto themselves, I suppose. Unfulfilled ones are unknown worlds waiting to be explored.

Mishi
Very generous. Thank you.

Windsmoke
Yup, I'd go along with that.

Carl
Thanks for each of those!

Madeleine
Thank you very much. Appreciative!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is a poem one can certainly relate to - missed or misinterpreted signals, almost but not quite connecting, looking back........well done!

Rose said...

Very cleverly written - I like it!

Jenny Woolf said...

Lovely poem, saying far more than the sum of the words

wordcoaster said...

Awesome! :)
The love that withers before it blooms sometimes entire brain consumes with thoughts of how things might have been--1,000 scenarios, then start again.

Christine said...

Such a beautiful but sad dance.

Emma said...

A beautiful and poignant poem. It made my heart ache.