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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Before You First Had Sex

Before you first had sex

you'd have mused a great deal
on how it would be.
What it would be like?

Then after you'd had it
the question arose:
Is that how it is for us all?

Like the sex film at school.
Questions: "Sir, what's it like?"
"Sir, how does it feel?"

And all of a sudden
they all want to know,
there's a fervour of "Sir, what's it like?".

The condom's forgotten,
mechanics are binned
for the sake of how it might feel.

It's not what you think...
Well, partly it is,
but they're anxious as well,

the worry is etched on their brows.
And you feel such a fraud
with no answer to give,

so you ask of your partner:
"do you have a word that says what it's like?"
but find she's no answer to give.

So you keep on asking; she'll say:
"it was "good", it was not, "terrific"
"not out of this world."

But go on asking as long as you will,
you will never hear - and I'm guessing now -
any way in which it was "like".

Then at last it occurs,
the thought that no answer exists,
that maybe it just isn't like.

And soon you're reflecting
on whether you've had the real thing -
and how would you know?

And does it exist?
For if it exists, then surely to God,
it would have to be something quite like!


kaykuala said...

Nice Dave! But I never thought of it that way. I thought once both reached the ecstasy of 'nirvana', it's a fulfillment without necessity of any analysis anymore. Both had already given their all. Whew!


Jim Murdoch said...

Well observed, Dave. There are a lot of things in this life that I can’t remember, things I ought to be able to remember, but the first time I had sex is not one of them and I especially recall what my first thought afterwards was: Well that was very nice, but was that it?. And that is still pretty much how I feel about it. Beforehand I had read everything I could lay my hands on and listened to what my friends had to say on the subject and from what I could glean this was going to be like nothing I had ever experienced. And it was. And it was very nice. Worth doing again. But you’re right, it doesn’t feel like anything else. Then, of course, you realise there’s a difference between having sex and making love. Now that was an eye-opener.

Anonymous said...

Another lovely piece that leads to lots of other unanswerable questions!

Brian Miller said...

haha true that of course by the second or third time you know everything you need to know about sex...

Leatherdykeuk said...

Nice piece, Dave, but it gets better after tat fumbly first ;)

Eileen T O'Neill ..... said...


A very nice consideration of a near unanswerable emotion.
And then throw into the emotions a large dollop of Catholic guilt.
That brings a different feeling!


sunny said...

Hi Mr Dave,really a right observation,Sir my university has been open so it is difficult to me to write the poems daily but i will try to write by giving the gap of two days so keep visiting,thanks.

ArtistUnplugged said...

Well, that's something to ponder on this a.m.!

Isabel Doyle said...

You asked a question - one possible answer is:

it's like swallowing the sun

Isabel x

Hannah Stephenson said...

For, the heart of this poem is a bunch of little kids in a darkened classroom, a film strip just ended, all raising their hands asking, "Sir, what's it like?"

The Weaver of Grass said...

Unique is the word that springs to mind Dave. I am afraid my sex lessons at school consisted of diagrams in a book.

Helen said...

Oh, Dave ... you captured all of those confusing emotions that rage around 'the first time.'

BTW ~~~ your blog looks spectacular!

Mary said...

My goodness, Dave, that is quite something to ponder. It was oh so long ago; and as I can recall, nothing can live up to expectations......initially.

Tabor said...

The best that can be said about an answer to that is "it's complicated."

Windsmoke. said...

When i finished reading this poem the first thing that entered my mind was "Its Way Too Complicated" a bit like Tabor's comment :-).

Dave King said...

Ecstacy? Nirvana? Aren't they opposite conditions?

I can't say that was quite my experience, but close enough for me to be able to relate to it. The million dollar questions, of course, are still Was that it? and How do you know? I always think it's like religious experience - or like the lad who saves up all his pennies for one big firework on November 5th, but then it doesn't do what everyone told him it would do, and he's disappointed. But why should it? Why should everyone's spectacular be the same? Your finaltwo sentences put it into context, I think.

I'm a real devil for unanswerable questions!

You are obviously a much faster learner than I am!

Ah, indeed, but I feel very affectionately towards tat fumbly first!

I can't go quite that far, but was brought up very high Church of England - Catholic in all but name. Thanks for that, it does throw a different shade on to it.

Perfectly fine. One posts when one can. I don't promise to post daily for ever.

What can I say? Sorry? Hope it didn't blight your morning too much.

Good analogy. Like it! Needs a great leap of the imagination to make the comparison, of course - but that might be no bad thing.

Yes and no. It didn't start out that way. It was going to be a very light, flippant thing, but then I thought of the group in school. Not my school. Top Primary (11 year olds) next door. They were having this sex education film. I was asked to watch with a group and answer their questions afterwards. The thinking was that they would speak more freely to a teacher they didn't know than to one of their own. So it proved. Once one boy (they were all boys and the film was about boys maturing into men) had asked the question, it became the only question. There was real angst there. (It wasn't a formal session, they didn't need to raise hands.)

Mine were literally birds and bees. Anything I learnt from an adult came - informally - from the music teacher. (Appropriate, or what?)

Very many thanks for both comments.

I think that may well be right, given the word "initially".

Very. I agree with you completely.

Yes, I can understand that.

jabblog said...

When I learnt of the mechanics of sex my first thought was that it must be like being impaled! It wasn't but what WAS it like?
(Appropriately or not, word verification is 'mingi'.)