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Thursday, 27 October 2011

This is Davina



Davina was referred to me by the staff of the Special Needs School
                                       at which I was Deputy Head.
They had just heard that I was leaving to set up a similar school 
                                       in another county.
Davina was referred to me as my first pupil.
She came, as you would expect, with a complete set of records:
                           Educational
                           Medical
                           Speech Therapy
                           Psychological
                           and an overall assessment.

Here is a flavour of what they contained:-

        The speech therapist had written that Davina suffered from:
                           "a considerable inter-cochlea cavity".

        The school assessment contained these questions: 
        "Can the pupil manipulate numbers?"
to which the answer was: "Yes, by a complex computational method
                           which the examiner was unable to follow."
        "Why do people go to church?"
to which the answer was: "To nail Jesus to the cross."
        "How is a ball like an orange?"
To which the answer was: "I can bite it and I can spit it out".

The School Report carried the information that she had been 
                          excluded from two previous schools,
from the first for "Misbehaviour on a school visit."She had sung bawdy
                          versions of the hymns at the school's Parish
                          Church Harvest Festival Service, and under 
                          the pretext of going to the loo, had managed
                          to leave  pornographic graffiti by the font;
and from her second school for "Trying to eat the class hamster live."
(She did seem to have a special talent for pornographic drawing.)

That was all 30 years or more ago. When she reached school leaving age
I, of course, adopted her. She is still with me.

12 comments:

TechnoBabe said...

How could you not adopt her after going through all that?

Jinksy said...

As a school teacher,I'm sure my daughter would love some of those answers on record as much as I do. ♥

sunny said...

Hi Mr Dave, i like that,want to ask that what does that mean:"To nail Jesus to the cross"?

Rose said...

What delightful traits she has! What a lovely gift you must have been sorely missed :D

Mary said...

How lovely for Davina to have someone who cherishes her individuality and creativity too!

The Weaver of Grass said...

I think anyone who has been in teaching recognises Davina Dave.

Jim Murdoch said...

I would be most interested to hear 'What Davina Did Next.'

JeannetteLS said...

I choked at the eat hamsters live notes, and, earlier, and Nailing Jesus to the cross.

Indeed, Davina is my kind of student. which means that no school would want her, especially now!

Windsmoke. said...

Mischievous young lass isn't she. Had to laugh at "Nailing Jesus to the Cross" that's gotta be a classic :-).

Mary said...

As a former teacher myself, I can understand this. I often had an affinity for the most 'difficult' of students & they for me. We all have our gifts. As you know....with Davina!

Isabel Doyle said...

what our alter egos get up to!

Dave King said...

TechnoBabe
I couldn't not adopt her!

Jinksy
I was dadgered when I retired to write a book about such things. Too soon then. Too late now - memory etc etc...

sunny
It means to crucify him.

Rose
She meant an awful lot at the time - and still does.

Mary
And what a very kind comment. Thank you.

The Weaver of Grass
Without any shadow of doubt at all!

Jim
I do believe you have just given me the title of a book - or something! Maybe today's post is Davina acting incognito?

Jeanette
How right you are with that. Yes, she was my kind of pupil, too - and what was nice was that the staff obviously realised that. It is so sad the way things have gone.

Windsmoke
Agreed. I think it might be.

Mary
Indeed. Thank you for the comment.

Isabel
Ah... thereby hangs many a tale!