Two derricks frame the limits to my field of view. A child has put them there, has ruled their chalk lines on this blackboard of a stormy sky. Tower and boom fine as spider silk and straight as light rays, grace belies their manliness. A goal seen through a goal and in between the ant-like forms of players take the field. They're swarming everywhere. Tower and boom a solitary sun ray lights the filigree within. This fades and then it is as if another Mondrian has come and stretched his work in progress length-ways to the end of sight. They seem to frame a town. In truth it's just another building plot - and trees - and roads - a car park - and a doctor's surgery they've tucked their geometric arms around.
extract from the poem Koi by John Burnside All afternoon we've wandered from the pool to alpine beds and roses ...
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Friday, 20 January 2012
The Building Site
Yesterday's dVerse Poets challenge was to write an Imagist poem. Methinks this needs image present to inspire, but as luck would have it I did see one yesterday which much impresed, so here goes...
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Tower and boom
fine as spider silk and straight as light
rays, grace belies
My favourite part.
Nice one.. good imagery here David..loved this
his blackboard of a stormy sky.
Lovely images - you obviously were impressed:-)
Wide view and it leads us to have some inner views....
Impressive writing here, Dave! I'm still struggling with the imagist prompt, but your poem inspires me.
Great word painting! I think you've done it!
this is really good dave...i think you def nailed the style...charles called it a word painting and i agree...
This is clever Dave and i do like your imagery - you are getting so good at it.
oh i like it a lot david...fine as spider silk and straight as light...this is..smiles
This is carefully woven, you don't "dump out" a picture for me to see. Instead you carefully lead me/us through a group of photos. I like that.
Although I feel at a loss about the meaning of "imagist" this poem of yours is poignant and with an impressive cadenza, I feel its climax in
"A goal seen through a goal"
Very vivid imagery especially the second stanza :-).
I'm running out of superlatives, David, but this deserves the most powerful one I can think of. I'm astounded how well this fits the prompt and enjoy everything about it. The allusion to Mondrian is spot-on and the ending. Just so much good stuff to rave on about. Thank you.
their manliness" ... Ha ha ha! Indeed it does. :)
- and what first impessed me about the scene. Thank you for saying.
Hi, and welcome to the blog. Thank you for your comment. Very helpful.
Yes, I really was. In fact I have been on several occasions and had been nursing a plan to paint it.
Good thought, yes, indeed.
When I first encountered Imagism - in a book on Ezra Pound - I was looking too hard for too much and making it more difficult for myself. It's worth the effort, though. Good luck, and thanks for the comment.
Marbles in My Pocket
A warm welcome to you and many thanks. A very encouraging comment.
Thank you for this, a very kind comment, much appreciated.
The Weaver of Grass
Thanks Weaver, it's always good to get your comments.
Thanks. I'm particularly pleased to have your comment on that phrase.
Hi, and a very warm welcome to you. Good to have you visiting, and a special thankyou for this useful comment.
Thank you. Interesting. That phrase actually came rather late in the composition.
Thank you. Much appreciated.
Good to have your comment . Thank you.
Wow, you really do me proud with this. Thank you so much - though I'm not sure I can live up to it.
Mmmm, guess it always does! Thanks.
A very good example to the prompt..I will have to try this sometime. Thanks for showing me how ~
If only our inner views could be this perceptive - and indeed, as wide!
Love this, Dave :)
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