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Wednesday, 30 November 2011
The Red Sofa
The above image represents this weeks prompt from Magpie Tales
He still ere then, us old sofa!
I knowed ee would be. Told yer so...
Jim's idea - ee under bridge,
well out of any rain, he thought.
Us bin up the riots, aint we?
Comes across ee in they posh shop.
Languishing in broken winder -
well, gotta say, arf in, arf out.
Us take ee inter custody...
Well, that's Jim, that is. That's Jim all
over. Gotta laugh. Things bad then,
and all the people I knows needs
a giggle. So us gives em one.
How? Well, Jim sez: Us'll takes ee up
the trains and dumps ee on the tracks!
So I thinks abaht this and then sez
Owz us gonna do that, then Jim?
An ee sez, Eezy, through the gate -
that old gate where they lets the people
out, with no one there on dooty,
not at night there aint. Then us tips
ee over the embankment, see?.
(I tells yer this ter show as how
us aint thieves, us aint. Not robbers.
Don think us robbed no one, us use
the stuff, not rob it. Us jist trans-
fering it to other dooties.)
So us goes ter do what Jim sez,
but fuck the gate it's locked, innit?
So us dumps ee like Jim says and
scarpers coz we seez the blue lights
iz a comin dahn us way it seems.
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good use of dialect in the poem and poor unloved sofa....
Interesting Dave - this is the second poem I have read for that prompt - both equally good and yet so different from each other.
Nicely done! Love the dialect!
Poor soul of the sofa.
Difficult writing for me, a Japanese, though a nice try and success.
Great response to fab prompt- dialec always very hard but you deffo succeeded:)
what kind of accent is that?
Your poems always set the lights flashing! LOL
Well done! Very well done. This type of thing is so difficult to carry off--way harder than a sofa--and you did it wonderfully. K.
You have a terrific grasp of dialect and a good poem here.
ha great use of dialect man...you stay consistant with it which is hugely important when trying it...well played..
Like the "arf in/ arf out"..Perhaps you can start coaching in that dialect..does have a ring to it! Very nice...
NOW we need to hear you READ it:)
strong language used here to deliver a powerful story.
takes me back to the summer riots...you got inside the skin...brilliant x
great choice using the dialect, superb work. By the way, what slang is it? at first it seemed pidgin English but...being Italian my perception is very limited.
I loved so much the "peckam English" by Delboy in "Only Fool And Horses" with some trouble in understanding Rodney in particular...
Very enjoyable especially the english slang, cockney if i'm not mistaken :-).
Terrific dialect - well crafted and sung to perfection!
heavy accent/dialect--yet a nice production DAVE!
What a good piece!:))) (that's what some people say when they don't understand anything at all, as when in front of an abstract painting or listening to some cacophonic music, gak!)
That's real language, yes, sir! Not the one in dictionaries, taught in High Academies or British Institutes, not the one Queen Elizabeth uses, for sure (at least in public, hehe).
This is real life, what you can hear in the streets, not in the BBC.
Your poem is a challenge for your non-native readers as me, but I accept it without giving up, who said fear?, not me!
Now seriously, Dave, I'll ask my husband about some vocabulary (?) - hope he knows - , but I think I have understood the main idea, have I...?
You made me laugh with these lines (maybe I had to cry, but I laughed):
- Languishing in broken winder
- Don think us robbed no one, us use
the stuff, not rob it. Us jist trans-
fering it to other dooties.)
Robbers always find excuses to justify their acts.
Well, they are not thieves, of course, they are the sofa keepers, its saviours, hehehe.
We must thank them in the end, yep!
Thanks a lot for your fine irony.
If Woody Allen or Santiago Segura read it, maybe they would use it for one of their brilliant funny scripts.
Lenny Henry as Jim, Billy Crystal as Eezy.
- fuck the gate it's locked, innit?
JAJAJA (I'm reading in Spanish, not in English)
Congrats for your right pronunciation of the wrong pronunciation but same as robbers are angels , who can say what's wrong or right?
(Have I succeeded?) (Were you writing about a red sofa or about red socks)
Crafty Green Poet
Thanks. Pleased you liked the dialect.
The Weaver of Grass
Thanks. It was a good prompt. Sparked all kinds of writes.
Hi Awarm welcome to you. Thanks for the comment, it is most helpful.
Yes, I understand the difficulty. Thanks though.
Yes, I did find the dialect more difficult in this one than normally I do. Not sure why, but thanks for the encouraging response.
A bit of a mish-mash, to tell the truth. Bits remembered (or maybe mis-remembered) from different lads I've known over the years.
You do say the nicest things. Thanks Jinksy.
Much thanks for this - not sure that it's harder than carrying off the sofa, though!
Thank you very much. Much appreciated.
Thank you for your comment, as always much valued.
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
Good to have your company. Thank you.
Help, I want my mum!
The Cello Strings
Hi good to have your company again - and your comment. Thank you.
I did have them in mind. Thank you for a lovely comment.
As I mentioned above, it's a bit of a mish-mash. Different lads I've known. Thanks for the response. Good to have.
Thanks. Some of it is.
Thank you very much. Very encouraging to hear.
Hi, Welcome to you. Thank you for your comment, which is much appreciated.
It would have been a brilliant critique, whatever you were reading in. Thank you so much for it. I had a couple of lads in one class who were always "on the rib", and were always willing to admit they had taken it, but always had a reason why it was not theft, but something else - often someting equally illegal, but NOT theft! I had them in mind when I wrote that bit. And yes, I was writing about a red sofa. Thanks for the response. It was a pleasure to read.
I said nothing of the sort.
I feel really bad for that sofa.
This is why I look around every corner with anticipation, you never know when something like "The Red Sofa" will appear.
i like the dialect. it's very hard to do
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