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Wednesday 31 August 2011

From Magpie Tales this photo-prompt.

I can't believe the day's turned out like this.
It was not meant to rain. Not floodgate time.
I'm too conspicuous with this red brolly -
would have been, had there been anyone about.
My secretary's. Gives electric shocks -
the brolly does, not her. It's static, see?
No waterproof, no jacket, shirt-sleeves me.
Shoes full of water, having a wet lunch -
wrong sort of, not the sort I'd choose at all!
And now I'm lost, a karzy of a place,
a muggers' paradise, I have no doubt.
Gives me the creeps. I must get out of here.
That bike tempts me... perhaps I should half inch it?
Wonder whose it is... if the owner's near...
Padlocked. Like those two damned gates... had hopes...
I thought they'd take me to the trains... kids said.
But no such luck... so which way's back? God knows!
The whole damned place, a shitty, damp dead end!
This isn't what I do. I sell sunshine,
lift people out of clouds and sell them life.
My life's an advert for Abundant Life.
What am I doing in this death hole here,
waving this red useless brolly at the gods?


kaykuala said...

A lot of mystery and mystifying questions and a surreptitious liaison. Man conducts electricity too (the Secretary I mean) so why hold on to just the brolly? Your poem is so mesmerizing!

Paul Andrew Russell said...

I really like this poem, Dave, especially these lines:

"...And now I'm lost, a karzy of a place,
a muggers' paradise, I have no doubt..."

They conjure up all kinds of images. Great writing.

Thank you for visiting my blog earlier, and commenting. It's good to meet another poet from home.

Best Wishes,


Gerry Snape said...

Amazing thoughts put into verse...once againi like so many of the lines but especially...
"It isn't what I do I sell sunshine,"
makes me think of Eric the Morecambe!!

Hannah Stephenson said...

You've really played with voice in this one--it's kind of morbidly humorous.

"Brolly" is one of the best words I've never used. To be remedied immediately!

Mary said...

I love the word 'brolly.' Must be British? This poem reads like a 'worst nightmare.' Lost in a scary place in the rain, with nowhere to take cover or escape.

Carl said...

he complains about muggers at one moment and contemplates lifting a bike himself. wonderful poem of those tense mixed emotions and of the subject as a person. The scene well played and captured.

Brian Miller said...

nice bit of story telling dave...you certainly bring the picture to life and allows us to feel the emotions of the lone man shaking his brolly at the gods...

Anonymous said...

I thought about the bike too - but my steering is wonky enough with two hands ont eh handlebars, with an umbrella too?

Nice take on the prompt

HijiBijBij said...

totally, i repeat, totally bowled over! confession: head over heels in love with this one! intense, mystifying and sharp! simply, awesome!


HijiBijBij said...

oh! and i am following you now!

Anonymous said...

unexpected drama makes life whole,
beautiful magpie.

Helen said...

Dave, I really enjoyed this! The pace, the feeling that this person is in such a dither ... fighting within himself ... to find his way.

Victoria said...

I enjoyed the conversational voice of this one and for me, love the word "brolly"--I think I must have been a Brit in a past life. :0)

Niamh Boyce said...

Gives electric shocks -
the brolly does, not her... that made me laugh:) I really enjoyed this piece

Mark said...

I really like some of the word-choice in here. Another awesome poem:)

Lucy Westenra said...

Beautifully made, Dave. Great work.

The Weaver of Grass said...

A perfect description for that picture Dave - well done.

Bagman and Butler said...

Ah - the seller of light in the dark place. If there were anyone about, you'd be quite successful and the brolly would make a fine advertisement. I think your poem is more descriptive than the picture.

Dave King said...

Well, thanks so much for that. That really pumped me up! Yes, people do conduct electricity. Some are more shocking than others.

Hi, Welcome to my blog. Much thanks for visiting and saying that you'd been. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit to you. Take care.

Thanks for this. I enjoyed the appearance of Eric Morecombe. I had an evangelical preacher in mind. He would have enjoyed it too!

Excellent description that "morbidly humorous". I can settle for that. Thanks for the comment.

Yes, I guess brolly is British. Can't say I've thought about it - or used it - before. It just offered itself when I was writing - and unbreller was too many syllables.

Yes, well I get sort of self-contradictory when I'm that stressed, so I guess that's a bit of self-portraiture. Not the dishonesty, though, I hope! Lovely critique. Thanks.

You've just pit me in mind of someone I knew way back, and Ican't think of their name! Never mind, it will come. Thanks for the response.

Ah, I didn't even think about the steering. One up to you. Thanks.

Hi! Really good to have you visiting and taking time to comment. Thank you so much for your feedback - and great to have you following. After a first visit! Wow!

Much appreciate the comment. Thanks.

Hey! You've just described me - so that's where I got it! Seriously. Much appreciated comment. Thanks.

You mean we not only lost America, we lost you as well! Glad you liked it. Thanks for telling.

Thanks for that. All useful feedback - and it's always good to know that readers laughed.

Good to have you visiting and to read your comment. Thanks for saying how you found it.

Much appreciate your response. Really encouraging. Thanks.

The Weaver of Grass
Thanks Weaver. Good to know what you thought.

Bagman and Butler
Wow! That's really a comment to treasure! Thank you so much.

Theresa Milstein said...

I like how the narrator states, "... a mugger's paradise." But later, considers taking the bike. He seems to degenerate!

Ending is so fun!

Tumblewords: said...

A superb mental workout. It's a fine look into this character's mind.

Dave King said...

Hi, a warm welcome to you. Thank you for visiting and for your comment. Agreed. Given that the model was an evangelical Christian, he's degenerated quite a lot!

Hi. Good to have your visit. Thank you for the kind words.

mindsinger said...

What an apt description of a rainy day!! Thanks for sharing.

Dick said...

A rich and detailed piece, Dave. You have a way with these deceptively chatty and informal narratives.

Tess Kincaid said...

The brolly does, not her...giggle...wonderful read, Dave.

Glenn Buttkus said...

Chatty, witty, dark, full of red
herring moments and quandaries
and it holds our attention like
a Mickey Spillane exposition.
Fine piece, and we, many of us
thing we are selling the light
when the converse can be true.

jabblog said...

I recognise that feeling of disbelief when steps must be retraced and you just want to get home.

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Ah recognise the frustration of days like that!

Anna :o]

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