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Tuesday 16 August 2011

Rust Bucket

We thought, perhaps eight hundred yards,
the Russian tanker
anchored in the pool of deepest azure, just off shore.
We paddled out.
'Let's circle round it' someone said.
Our three canoes,
all kayak singles, slalom kind
in V-formation.

But it was more. More like a mile or more.
The sea was warm
and somehow velvety and smooth.
It gently lapped
against the tanker's rusty sides and us.

Small waves in runs
were like a lioness who plays with cubs.
I'd never been
a lion cub, did not expect
the freak wave
like an angry paw that struck from nowhere
without reason -
and underlined the metaphor.


Jim Murdoch said...

I did wonder where you were going with this at first, Dave, but I liked how the final stanza sent me reeling in a different direction. An unusually subdued punch line too. No matter how I read it. Not a bad thing, just an observation. I think rhythmically I was looking for another line along the lines of, "like a da dah da dah da dah," but it doesn't need it.

Rachna Chhabria said...

I always enjoy your poetry, Dave. I could visualize the sea and the gently lapping waves.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Very clever indeed Dave.

flaubert said...

Wonderful imagery in this, Dave.


kaykuala said...

Can be quite daunting when in the course of checking with a view of confirming we get slapped in the face. Forces against good intentions often are constantly harassing our progress.

Victoria said...

David, you do such a good job of allowing the reader to share your experience. The metaphor worked well. Growing up in California, I've been there!

Louise said...

Instant connection - well done as always Dave!

Windsmoke. said...

Fantastic imagery especially the last stanza with an unexpected twist :-).

Dave King said...

Interesting comment, Jim. Much thanks for it. I did actually change where I was going to take it during its composition. The end, though, was always in sight. I hadn't picked up that readers might be thrown by the change of rhythm. (I'm not saying that you were, only that they might be.)

That's good to know. Thank you for telling.

The Weaver of Grass
Appreciate the comment. Thanks.

Thank you for the feedback.

indeed so, seems to be especially so this week! Your comment encourages!

Thank you so much for that comment. It means a lot.

120 Socks
Thanks for the encouraging response.

Good that itcame across like that - it was certainly unnexpected at the time!