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Saturday 27 October 2012

A post, the post and what have they to do with metaphysics?

The P.C.'s booted up
and I am settled back, when:
Are you very busy? Wife
from the next room.
Not terribly,  I lie.
Look out the window then!
I do. My, my!
Great Jeosophat! I cry -
or something, not a bit like that.

Nailed to the front gate post
another, thinner, ten feet tall
atop of which, a shining board
that reads FOR SALE - a bigger lie
by far, than any I have told.
My wife is on the 'phone, and I
am on my way with tools enough
to do the job - the crow bar, though
has taken off, 
gone A.W.O.L. on its own.

Insert the battered chisel. Prise.
Lever. Swear. No go. A few 
sledge hammer blows
should do
the job.
Surprising me, the post and board
spin through the air
and come to ground
just where I stand.

Next thing: the postie calls
with packages to sign.
Did I just see... he asks,
your house for sale?

You did. It's not!

I see...

You don't! 

I've recently
debated with him 
about a football referee:
how one might come to "see"
a thing that didn't happen.
I take him back
to our discussion,
point out the similarity.
The metaphysics slows him down.
The round will take an extra hour.


Adura Ojo said...

Also known as the event that never was. But an event nonetheless. Nicely done. Particularly liked the 'freezing action' effect in the poem and the imagined slow down of the postman's thought process. I can just imagine his face as he struggles to take it all in.

Jenny Woolf said...

I love the way you made this link, Dave.

And how scary to see that your house is for sale when you didn't intend it! (Are you absolutely SURE you've been listening lately when your wife has been telling you her plans?) ;)

Elephant's Child said...

I am smiling loudly here. For some reason I am picturing the old style postie - on a push bike. Yes I know it is very unlikely but that is where my mind has taken me. And I loved the case of the disappearing crow bar as well. It is certainly true in this household that tools that we know we have vanish. Until they are no longer needed.

Tabor said...

Amazing. The fact of the sign being there when you did not put it there? Did some real estate agent miss the address? Loved the image of the sign flying and glad it did not bonk you on the head.

kaykuala said...

Hilarious, Dave! I cannot imagine something like that can happen. One's own but some else hijacked it. This can happen in real life too when our assets suddenly become someone else's property! Nicely!


Brian Miller said...

haha oh my man, that would be a hoot....especially if someone had stopped to inquire and i would love to have heard your metaphysical discussion then as well...smiles...

Mary said...

Yikes, I want to know the story behind the sign!

Hmmm, I am sure your words more a bit more vivid than "My, my! Great Jeosophat!" LOL.

Claudia said...

oh my...so good...love how you take us right into the scene...oy..and yeah...would've loved to hear that discussion as well...smiles

Anonymous said...

Crazy, but so vivid and well told. Agree with Claudia - k.

Linda said...

Awesome, Dave. Thanks for the smiles.

Dave King said...

Hi! Thanks for visiting and a warm welcome to you. Really good to have your comment.
Much appreciated.

Thanks, yes, I'm pretty sure - she's the one DOESN'T want to move!

The Elephant's Child
No, you're spot on! He is an old style postie with a bike - though these days with a crash helmet as well. He kept coming back to look at the felled sign board and have another laugh.

Yes, indeed. There is another road of the same name in the next town. The Estate agent declares he told him distinctly. He was given post code and he had a sat nav, but still got the wrong town.

Wow! I think you're just trying to worry me, now!

It could still happen. The board is still lying in the garden. My next door neighbour - a Bangladeshi - saw it and thought that we were moving. I had a somewhat metaphysical discussion with him, trying to reassure him.

Yes, well, remembering that the post COULD be read by children... for the full story see my reply to
Tabor, above.

Thanks Claudia. Much appreciated.

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed.

And thanks for saying. Good to know.

A Cuban In London said...

So, you're not selling you house, right? I think it's time for you to go down to your local estate agent and have a quiet word. Maybe ref to player. :-)

Greetings from London.