grammar school taught me one of life's great lessons - french kissing the first light of day appears where most esteemed - outside night: a lit house is like a cup brim full on bare boards twelfth night - was the byre this barren when the christ child left pen on paper sparks a faint light - often overlooked all men need a hand to hold them with light fading fast whoever is at the centre of all things, loves all with afternoon sun we forget the morning's dullness beyond life lies its contrary, not death - nothingness one summer rose buds, clings to life, wonders: should it bloomThe above are attempts at one of two kinds of Lune described by Semaphore, having syllable counts of 5 - 3 - 5. Please click on the link to learn more.
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Friday, 4 January 2013
10 Lunes : a potpourri
written for Samuel Peralta's (Semaphore's)prompt for Form for All at dVerse Poets.
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29 comments:
This are just terrific; each one so interesting.
My favorites - can't say that- but the ones that stick in my mind more - that is, without looking at them while I am commenting - the faint light found on the page (lovely!), the afternoon that makes one forget the dull morning (so true), the most esteemed outside, the grammar school french kissing (so funny), the holding the center loving all, the men needing the hand in the falling light--oh I love the brim full house! That is just a beautiful image. The twelfth night is a bit harder for Americans to get, though I still have my tree up so am definitely in epiphany sort of mode - now I'm blanking a bit --oh I like the rose also - wondering if you couldn't have some end point -since you have commas? maybe not question mark - would three dots be too corny? I don't know. That one seemed to dangle a bit more.
At any rate they are all wonderful, deserve their own space. I started to say that the cup on bare boards house and sparked page spoke to me the most but then all the others come up again - afternoon sun! Sorry not to be very coherent. k.
#1. Braggard
#2. Nice (almost a proverb)
same with the "all men" one
your "centre" one makes no sense to me
Edit: one summer rose buds, --> singular: "bud", not "buds"
haha...french kissing...one of the important things you learn at school...smiles. a wonderful potpourri dave.. my fav being the all men need a hand to hold them..
haha gotta love those early language lessons...smiles....whoever is at the center of all...i def like that one...seriously you rocked this challenge dave....
These are fabulous!
I really envy your talent for rhythm...my attempts always seem to end up rather chaotic!!
I adored the grammar school french kissing bit. It revived such poignant memories of my first schoolgirl kiss...:)
grammar school taught me
one of life's
great lessons - french kissing
This first one sort of woke everyone up. It rekindled fond memories that everyone could relate to. The rest followed through with perfection. Nicely Dave!
Hank
French kissing in grammar school? You naughty boy.
You had me at the first poem, so clever, with its Hilaire Belloc turn of phrase... and then I realized - ten lunes! And each one a gem in its own right. Well done!
I love the potpourri Dave ~
The first one was really eye-catching but the last two are specially beautiful to me ~
beyond life lies its
contrary,
not death - nothingness
one summer rose bud,
clings to life,
wonders: should it bloom
haha i loved "the french kiss" most...its good to see you again Dave..hope you are doing fine:)
Love these tidbits of memory / wisdom.
I think all people (not only men) need a hand to hold them with light fading fast.
I am hoping there is more than nothingness beyond death.
And yes, the last summer rosebud....I hope it chooses to bloom.
And French kiss? Ha....I didn't even learn what that was until a bit later.
Like your set. the last one best. From promise of bud to bloom to falling petals who would not hesitate to progress from the promise of youth :)
All gems, but no, not nothing. I have peered over that boundary and known a luminous Something that makes fear or anticipation valueless.
Aloha truly
Like them all, David, but my favs? The pen on paper and the one who loves all. Terrific job!!!
http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2013/01/04/la-lune/
Like them all, David, but my favs? The pen on paper and the one who loves all. Terrific job!!!
http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2013/01/04/la-lune/
A beautifully succinct form. The two that most struck me were:-
whoever is at
the centre
of all things, loves all
with afternoon sun
we forget
the morning's dullness
What a great set of lunes, there's so much in them to savour.
I didn't learn French kissing at school - just as well as it was a single gender establishment at the time!
You could have posted any one of these and had a memorable entry for this prompt. All very good!
Ah Dave! I don't know which one I like best. The first made me laugh, all have more than a bit of profundity in them. You say so much with so little!
And happy new year to you!
...each lunes represent an issue on somethin' to be learned or dig in life carefully handled with such cleverness, humour, & sensitive observations... great well voiced-out experienced lunes... smiles.
Really shows you have mastered this form with panache ;)
Impressive, they look like haikus to me because of my ignorance of what a Luna is.
They remind me of a sculptor's gestures.
Oh, these are all wonderful! I can't pick a favorite, as I enjoyed every one--so different, and so profound. Thank you sir, and a most happy New Year to you.
You have reinforced my love of potpourri. Thank you.
"with afternoon sun
we forget
the morning's dullness"
this is simply super. Loved it.
Love them all! I think my favorite is the one about the pen sparking light :)
Hi, everyone
Many thanks for your splendid response. Sorry I cannot this time around reply to each individually, but each comment has been read and each is very much appreciated. It is a particularly good feeling when I realise that those making the comments feel free to say what they honestly think. If it's rubbish, please say so!
I would like to say a special word of welcome to those who may have visited or commented for the first time. I do hope it will not be the first and last!
To any that I might not have said already, let me wish a very happy and healthy new year.
My thanks to all.
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